


what a language means

by TheIronBee (canadduh)



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes-centric, Canon-Typical Violence, Communication, Deaf Clint Barton, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Languages, Languages and Linguistics, M/M, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Beta Read, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Not Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Slow Burn, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:06:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 35,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23540536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canadduh/pseuds/TheIronBee
Summary: The day he returns from Afghanistan, Tony decides that it is imperative to learn as many languages as he possibly can. He hates how vulnerable he had felt, how he hadn’t had all the information. He hated having to rely on Yinsen to keep him alive.He hates even more that he failed to bring Yinsen home.
Relationships: Clint Barton & Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark
Comments: 239
Kudos: 956





	1. Iron Man

The day he returns from Afghanistan, Tony decides that it is imperative to learn as many languages as he possibly can. He hates how vulnerable he had felt, how he hadn’t had all the information. He hated having to rely on Yinsen to keep him alive. 

He hates even more that he failed to bring Yinsen home. 

He starts learning Arabic, then Mandarin, then Russian. Soon he picks up French, German, Japanese and Portuguese. He already knew English (duh). He learned Italian from his mother (sometimes it hurts to speak, the words grating against his throat as they crawl their way out). He remembers listening to the housekeepers at the mansion talk and eventually going to them to learn Spanish. Howard wasn’t happy about it but Tony didn’t care. 

He learns new languages as he codes mark II. There are probably (definitely) better ways, but he doesn’t care. He needs to build the suit, to correct his wrongdoings and hold himself accountable where no one else had before. He also needs to never put himself in a position where he doesn’t have access to all the information. 

Tony doesn’t need it anymore, but he programs a universal(ish) translator. He considers putting it on the market but decides not to, not yet. He doesn’t think the world is ready for it. 

When he finally, finally, flies for the first time, the exhilaration brings him back to life more than anything else ever really could, Tony Stark knows more languages than he has friends. That knowledge sits heavy in his chest but he brushes it off. Mark II is good, but Tony knows he can do better, so instead, he focuses on creating a suit worthy of Yinsen’s faith in him. 

***

Tony feels a sort of vindictive glee the first time someone insults him in French and he’s able to respond perfectly in kind. He treasures the flabbergasted look on the businessman’s face and really wishes JARVIS was there to record it. It’s definitely one of his better comebacks. 

After that, Tony doesn’t bother to put in a request for interpreters. Though, if there is a translator provided, he doesn’t turn them away. Tony has always found it advantageous to be underestimated. 

The look on Pepper’s face the first time she questions him is worth every painstaking second of explaining that yes, Pepper, I really do understand and can speak Japanese. And yes, Pepper, I know I only learned the language this year. 

What most people don’t understand (Pepper included) is that Tony has been learning coding languages for years, hell, he’d re-written coding languages to better suit his needs. Learning human languages is very similar to that. It is as easy for Tony as breathing, which may not be the best analogy anymore. Sometimes breathing hurts. 

***

Betrayal is a language that Tony has been speaking since the age of four. His first word was the back of his father’s hand and a broken circuit board. He’s a master of the language now but even then, Obadiah Stane’s betrayal stung worse than anything Howard could have done to him. 

Stane was supposed to be on Tony’s side. The man had stood between Tony and Howard on many occasions and had kept Stark Industries running when Tony had been distracted by the death of his parents and the substances he’d turned to for coping. 

He can’t think about it now, as his chest seizes up and breathing becomes a painful chore. His heart beats slower every second and for the second time in a year Tony doesn’t think he’s going to make it. He vows to do better, to be better, if (god willing) he lives to see tomorrow. 

His vision is a tunnel of gray as Rhodey runs into the lab of his Malibu Mansion and to Tony the man looks like an avenging angel, sent to protect Tony from Heaven itself. Rhodey gets the old arc reactor placed perfectly in Tony’s chest and he takes a gasping ragged breath. 

Knowing Rhodey has his back helps as Tony flies to save his secretary—his friend—from certain death. Even as Stane’s betrayal weighs him down Tony can’t help but feel guilty as Coulson’s men clean up after him. Tony would help but he can’t bring himself to move. 

The faceplate is gone, Stane is dead and Tony feels like he’s falling apart at the seams. 

***

Coulson tells him to stick to the cards and Tony tries, he really does, but he can’t. He can’t be who he is and not share that with the world. Some people, reporters in the room, the media, most of the general public, see it as a ploy. A way to gain more status, wealth, and fame than he already has. But Tony knows his friends, the people that matter, will see it for what it is. 

“I am Iron Man,” he says clearly, proudly. 

Tony tells the world who he is so that the world will hold him accountable. 

***

Palladium poisoning is the kind of poetic shit that belongs in movies. Tony knows that the very thing that’s keeping him alive is driving him closer and closer to death’s door. He counts his days in percentages as he prepares his legacy. 

He needs to make this count. He promised Yinsen that he’d make this count. 

He revamps the Stark Expo and he does it against the advice of Pepper, but she doesn’t know he’s dying. He can’t tell her. This burden is his to bear for the sins of his past. 

So he drops in, gives a speech, and watches as the percentages climb, higher and higher on the tiny screen, bringing him closer and closer to his end. 

***  
He doesn’t expect to live. Of course he doesn’t. But somehow he does. 

He has Howard to thank for it, really, his father had laid the groundwork for a new element. Tony had simply followed his lead and with the technology available to him, was able to finish the process. 

He names it Starkanium with childish glee because who wouldn’t want an element named after themselves. 

His company is now being run by Pepper and it is the best decision he has ever made. The woman is scarily competent. Organized to a terrifying degree and capable of so much more good than Tony has ever been in his life. 

If Pepper had a suit she would be unstoppable. 

Tony may or may not be working on a suit for Pepper. Just in case. 

As for Tony’s newest PA, it’s a different story. Natalia—Natasha—works for a secret agency that his father helped start because that’s apparently his life now. He doesn’t know if he should feel betrayed or not if it’s even worth it to feel this way. It does hurt, however, to know that his trust was placed in someone that doesn’t really exist. 

That his trust was placed in someone who doesn’t trust him. 

Tony looks at the file and feels his heart sink to his stomach because they don’t understand. 

Of course they don’t. 

Iron Man- Yes.  
Tony Stark- Not Recommended. 

He thought he knew disappointment but it turns out he has more to learn. 

***  
Nick Fury calls him three months later. 

Tony knew he would, but it helps now that he’s in the position of power. 

Everyone knows that Stark technology is the best. Even though Tony is no longer making weapons (he’s still destroying his creations, he’s still paying for it) his defensive equipment is above and beyond anything SHIELD can afford. 

So Fury calls him and Tony is still bitter (will always be bitter) so he decides to be the most annoying thing in Fury’s life. To make every moment of interaction living hell. It’s not like Fury can reject him twice. 

The negotiations take three more months. A back and forth of insults and blackmail and bargaining that Tony is well versed in. He’s been negotiating for his life since the second time he was kidnapped and Howard decided to enforce his strict no ransom policy. It’s a language he knows all too well. 

Tony signs on as a consultant to the Avengers. To be called only in moments of Earth’s greatest need. 

Of course by Earth, he knows that Fury means America. 

***  
It’s laughable, how soon it is after signing the contract that Tony gets called in. 

He’s flying over Germany and JARVIS is hacking into the quinjet as he speeds toward the scene. He expects more of a fight and is surprised when Loki gives up right away. It’s fishy as fuck and Tony isn’t about to let his guard down. 

They get Loki loaded onto quinjet and Tony joins the team there, standing away from the Norse god and trading words with Captain America. Tony wishes this wasn’t their first interaction. He wants to make a good first impression, not a sarcastic one, but he doesn’t know how to turn that off. 

So he’s sarcastic and loud and stupid as the God of Thunder rips Loki out of the quinjet. Tony follows, throws out some quip, and seriously questions his life choices when Steve has to intervene. Tony was holding his own against the god but Steve is right, they have more important things to worry about. 

***  
Tony sees several ways to improve the helicarrier as he walks through it with Coulson towards the main deck because he can’t not notice these things. There’s a part of his brain that never turns off, no matter how much he wishes it would, that is constantly calculating how he can make everything better. 

He plays with the bugs in his pocket and quips a joke as he enters the room. Bruce Banner is there and Tony has to take a moment to not fanboy over this fact. He gives up shortly after because this is Bruce fucking Banner and Tony is in dire need of a science date with the man. 

Tony bugs the controls and makes a quick exit, probably pissing a few people off but he doesn’t care because he doesn’t trust SHIELD. 

***

It’s not until Tony meets Clint Barton on the Helicarrier after Natasha bashes the archer’s head in and frees him from Loki’s control, that Tony realizes he has another language to learn. Clint knows a language that Tony hadn’t even considered. He knew that ASL existed, he wasn’t ignorant, it just had never crossed his mind that it was something he’d need to know. 

He clicks instantly with the archer, both of them having a penchant for sarcasm and ill-timed jokes to break the tension. There’s an understanding there of what it’s like to do things against your will. Tony’s never been mind-controlled, he can’t imagine it, but he’s been manipulated before and he knows the foul taste it leaves in your mouth when you come back to the damage. 

They fight well together, the ragtag group of heroes that Fury wants to call the Avengers. Tony isn’t sure how he feels about the name but then, he’s only a consultant anyways. 

When Tony first latches onto the missile and aims it towards the swiftly closing portal, he wonders if Yinsen would be proud of him or if the man would think Tony is wasting his life. 

Thankfully, he doesn’t get the chance to ask. 

***

The gang, (he refuses to call them the Avengers). The gang moves into the tower over the next few months and something, surprisingly, settles inside him. He didn’t realize how lonely he was until he’s surrounded by people again. 

Tony spends hours with Clint, studying ASL and playing video games and generally being friends. Clint is astonished at the speed with which Tony picks up the language, but he seems to understand when Tony explains that engineering is simply another language that most people don’t take the time to understand. He’s always been good with languages.

They’re in the middle of a round of Mario Kart when Clint’s Starkphone starts to ring (and boy does Tony hate that they called it the Starkphone, he’s not as conceited as people seem to think—Starkanium being the exception). Usually, Tony or Clint would vacate the room but this time Clint tells him to stay when he starts the video call. 

“Say hi to Uncle Tony,” Clint signs brightly like he’s not turning everything Tony knows about himself on its head when two kids wave back. “Want to tell him you’ve been working on Lila?” 

“Okay!” Lila signs before dashing off-camera only to come back moments later with a brightly colored picture that definitely does not make Tony tear up. 

“I love it,” Tony signs to the kid, having noticed the hearing aid that’s the same shade of purple as Hawkeye’s. “Your color choice is simply perfect and the way Hawkeye is riding on Iron Man’s back reminds me of the flying carpet in Aladdin.” 

“Thank you!” Lila signs and then Tony is content to watch Clint talk to his children with a fond smile. 

A few days later, Tony is hanging out with Clint again when he gets another call. This time, since there are other avengers in the tower, Clint leaves, but he invites Tony with him. Tony feels the same excitement and awe he did the first time Rhodey said they were friends. 

“Tony, this is the light of my life, my wife, Laura.” Clint introduces and Tony and Laura hit it off instantly. Just like Tony’s suspects Clint knew they would. 

***

Tony spends time with the rest of the gang. 

With Natasha he likes to talk about books, she’s as well read as him and thankfully not surprised when Tony offers his analysis of Jane Eyre, having reread the book when Nat left it lying around one night. 

Tony doesn’t even realize he’s slipped into Russian until Nat looks at him in shock. Tony just offers a shrug and that’s how they start their unofficial book club with Tony reading the books Nat leaves out then discussing them with her in Russian. 

With Bruce, Tony talks science. It’s both of their native languages, even if they speak different dialects. They work well together and hours pass by without either one noticing. It’s only Bruce growing tired and hangry that signals that they’ve been working for too long and food is in order. Tony wants them to test Bruce’s limits with the big guy but he doesn’t want to make Burce uncomfortable so he only brings it up once. 

He shows Steve what it means to live in the 21st century. Tony introduces him to the internet, quality television, and New York’s finest cuisine (his favorite being a time tested diner in the middle of the city). Steve speaks the language of the city, somehow, and Tony enjoys learning something new from him. He’s been in New York for years and he’s never quite figured out how to listen to it talk. Somehow, they end up saving a kitten from a tree and that makes it into the news and Tony seriously questions his life when he sees it. 

Thor is off-world but Tony saves a room—floor, whatever—for the god. He wants to learn more about Asgard, about the magic Thor wields that Tony is convinced is an advanced form of science. Something he wants to replicate. 

But still, he spends much of his time with Clint. Which is surprisingly nice. 

***

Months later, when Clint decides to visit his family again, he invites Tony. 

“Wait, really?” Tony signs, surprise making his signs sloppy and confusion etched on his face. “You’re trusting me with the secret location of your secret family?” 

“Tony,” Clint signs with an expression that means Tony is being an idiot. “I trusted you with the fact that I even have a secret family. They love you. Besides, Lila would never talk to me again if I didn’t bring you this time. It’s her birthday.” 

Tony knew that. He knows the birthdays of all his friends and newfound family, which happens to include Clint’s family now. He made a point of learning them after his return from… his return. (He still struggles to think about it). 

“Oh. Cool,” Tony signs, dumbfounded. They keep talking, planning the when and the how and it’s decided that they’ll take one of Tony’s helicopters (it’s more discreet than the private jet and easier to land at the farm) and they’re leaving that night to surprise Lila and the rest of the kids early the next morning. 

It’s perfect. 

Tony loves kids, he hasn’t had much of a chance to spend time with kids in his life, but he loves how their minds connect things. How they’re not afraid to be wrong. He loves how accepting they are, even of old broken men like him. 

The older kids show him around the farm while Laura feeds Nate, the youngest. They tell him stories about each area, how their daddy saved the goat from a mud pit or how they helped birth a calf that summer. 

He promises to visit again for Cooper’s birthday. He takes the kids for a spin in the helicopter, and then he and Clint head back to New York. 

***

The next few weeks are a string of wannabe villains, debriefs that Tony wants to (and does) skip, and trainings that he clearly makes more of than anyone expects him to. He doesn’t want to jinx it but it’s the happiest Tony has been in his life, even when he and Pepper break up. 

She says she’s met someone new but Tony knows she’s got her sights set on Happy (he’s not bitter, he’s really not). He does, however, take a much-needed break and head back to Malibu for a week.

The mansion is weirdly empty without Pepper’s presence but Tony grows used to it quickly enough. Happy is with him—though he does plan to transfer the man to Pepper’s security detail upon their return to New York—and they hang out which is something Tony has been sorely missing in his life. They binge Downton Abbey and watch the news, two of Happy’s favorite pastimes when he isn’t trying to keep up with Tony. 

Happy goes out to pick up Thai food from a restaurant that won’t deliver, not even to Tony Stark. He receives a phone call one hour after Happy should’ve been back. The only thing keeping him from a panic attack is the fact that Happy is alive. Unconscious but alive.

Tony vows to end The Mandarin, a villain who has been bothering him for years now. It takes a kid named Harley, a potentially lethal injection of extremis when he realizes he can’t defeat the supped up fighters with his own strength, with Iron Man’s strength, and the destruction of a shipping yard but Tony comes out the top dog. 

Well, the top dog sans one Malibu mansion which currently resides at the bottom of the pacific ocean.

***

He also gets a talking to for not calling the Avengers in. But if he’s being honest, Tony needed to get revenge on his own. He needed to send out this message to the world—No one hurts Tony’s people and lives to tell the tale. 

***  
Tony is in the lab with Steve the first time it happens. Steve is sitting on the couch and drawing the bots, needing a break from whatever he’d been doing before. Tony is working on his suit, upgrading the gauntlets when JARVIS interrupts them. 

“You’ve got a code ICE, sir,” Jarvis says, lowering the volume of the music so Tony can hear him. “Would you like me to display it?”

“Holy shit,” Tony says, barely remembering to turn off his soldering iron before setting it down. “Yeah J, throw it up.” 

“What’s going on?” Steve asks, standing behind Tony as a hologram appears before them. It’s a CCTV clip from a small government facility in Bergen, Norway. The video is grainy but it’s enough. 

“He’s supposed to be a legend,” Tony explains as they watch the man appear and disappear from a room like a ghost. The video is looped and only three seconds long but Tony doesn’t stop it. “A ghost story told to new SHIELD agents to give them nightmares. The Winter Soldier. Howard started documenting his appearances in the 70s. We’re not sure if it’s one person or multiple people operating under the same name but whoever they are, they’re good at what they do.” 

“And was is it that they do?” Steve asks when Tony falls silent. 

“Espionage, assassinations, general spy work.” 

Tony steps forward and starts typing away on the screen. He scans the file for any tampering and sends it to SHIELD to be analyzed. He'll do it himself but figures he might as well give Fury a head start. 

“This is the first time he’s been spotted since the nineties.” 

“And no one knows who he is?” Steve asks. 

“The only person I know to survive a hit from the Winter Soldier is Nat, and she couldn’t get a glimpse behind the mask,” Tony informs Steve, opening up the file on the Winter Soldier for Steve to parse through. “She was also trained by him in the red room but most of her memories from there are spotty and even then he was masked.” 

“Why weren’t we told about him?” Steve asks with his patented I must know everything at once face. Tony’s not the biggest fan of this face, but he lets it go. 

“We thought he was dead, Steve. It’s been ten years since anyone’s seen him and he jumped out of a plane. With no parachute.” 

“I jump out of planes all the time,” Steve points out.

“You’re enhanced,” Tony counters. He turns to glare at the super soldier to emphasize his point. “And literally no one likes it when you jump out of planes. No one.”

“This guy is clearly enhanced, too, if he’s been operating since the seventies.” 

“Well, when you put it that way,” Tony says with an eye roll. He continues his work in silence and eventually, Steve gets bored and returns to the couch with a huff. 

Tony loses track of time as he works. He draws up plans, crunches data, and rewrites the ICE program yet again. Food appears on the table next to him and leaves untouched. Any coffee disappears as soon as it’s within eyesight. Nothing is good enough to catch the Soldier if he doesn’t want to be caught, but Tony has to try. 

The Winter Soldier is too dangerous for them to do nothing.


	2. The Asset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Your work has been a gift to mankind,” Pierce says and The Asset almost hopes he’s telling the truth.

_Soldat._

His eyes open suddenly and he strains in an effort to sit up only to be stopped by bonds around his chest and head. He looks around wildly, trying to get his bearings, though all he sees is a cement ceiling and bright lights. Blue spots fill his vision and he tries to adjust to it. Laughter sounds across the room. He growls at the grating sound.

“Perfect,” The voice says in a heavy accent that he can’t place, though he feels like he should be able to. “You’re almost ready, Soldat.”

He doesn’t know what language the person is speaking but he can understand it so he supposes that’s all that really matters.

“ _Longing_ ,” The man says and he feels a sharp pain right behind one eye. “Ru _sted, seventeen, daybreak, furnace, nine, benign, homecoming, one, freight car_.”

By the time the man finishes he is writhing on the chair, pain filling every section of his being like nothing he has ever known. His insides burn and the agony rips through him in time with his heartbeat.

Soon, however, the pain settles and with it, his mind goes blank.

“Ready to comply.”

The man laughs.

***

_Soldat._

His eyes shoot open but this time he doesn’t struggle. He knows better now. They call him an old dog, he thinks he’s older than most of them, but he can still learn new tricks. His body feels cold and heavy but it doesn’t really bother him.

The language his handlers speak is Russian. He vaguely wonders where he learned it.

“ _Longing, rusted, seventeen, daybreak, furnace, nine, benign, homecoming, one, freight car_.”

“Ready to comply”

***  
 _Soldat._

Something feels different this time but he doesn’t know why. He feels on edge but there is only one other person in the room. Maybe that’s why. He’s used to his handlers being surrounded by guards. This man is different and The Asset doesn’t like different.

“Soldat,” The man says, his voice is silky smooth and disgusting and The Asset doesn’t like him. He never likes his handlers but this one least of all. The look in his eyes promises pain though, so he doesn’t even move. Pain comes anyways when a hand wraps around his neck. He almost wishes the man would squeeze tighter so that he could know the emptiness of death. “Answer when I speak to you.”

“Ready to comply,” His voice is steady if a bit breathless but he responds, just as the man wants him to.

“Better,” The man lets go and steps back, dusting off his suit like the room they’re in is not immaculate. The man throws a file at him, though his hands are still bound to the chair so it falls uselessly to the ground. “You have three days to complete this mission. No witness. Hop to it.”

The man leaves with a laugh while The Asset is still tied down to the chair.

He returns three days later with the image of a man begging him to save his wife and the feeling of a neck-snapping seared into his mind.

He welcomes the chair this time.

***  
 _Soldat._

“Ready to comply.”

***

_Soldat_

The room he wakes up in is just like every other room he’s woken up in that he can remember. It’s gray and filled with the kind of technology he knows is going to be used on him in ways that his body remembers, even if he doesn’t.

There are people in the room, soldiers in uniforms with their hands on their guns even though he’s the one tied down. The soldiers stand around the perimeter of the room except for the one who stands next to a man in a suit.

Two people stand behind him and The Asset doesn’t move as one of them reaches forward to pull the IV out of his arm. He stares straight ahead, there’s nothing he can do to stop them anyway.

“ _Longing, rusted, seventeen, daybreak, furnace, nine, benign, homecoming, one, freight car_.”

Each word drives into his skull, pushing out any trace of who he might be other than The Asset. He doesn’t think he’s anyone else, he doesn’t think anything anymore.

“Ready to comply,” The Asset says because it’s the only thing he can say right now.

“Stand,” the suited man says. The Asset stands. “I am Alexander Pierce.”

The Asset does not care but he nods anyway. He has no use for names. He’s not going to remember it later.

“Your mission is simple: kill Nick Fury. Fury is a threat to Hydra’s mission. A threat to peace and to the freedom of the people. He must be eliminated at all costs. You’re doing a good thing here, Soldier, don’t let the world down.”

The Asset nods. He has no choice but to listen. He’ll do anything not to end up back in the chair.

“Go, you have ten hours.”

He’s given a bag of supplies, full of weapons and gear and notes on Nicholas Fury. The weapons feel familiar in his hands, though he doesn’t recall using them before. He straps them to his body, each one adding weight that centers him. He doesn't feel at peace, he doesn't feel anything. But he thinks this is as close as he's ever going to get. 

***

There are soldiers waiting for him outside the room. They lead him to the rendezvous spot with the rest of the men. He doesn’t talk, he never talks, but he notices how he unnerves them. How they watch his every move carefully.

He’s brought to a building in the middle of New York and told to wait there. He pulls a grenade launcher from its spot on his back and doesn’t fiddle with it, The Asset doesn’t fiddle, but he does make sure it’s going to work. He has the thing taken apart and put together again in the space of a few deep breaths. Once it’s sitting heaving in his grip he looks straight ahead, ready to comply.

It’s disconcerting when he realizes that he doesn’t have to keep this mission quiet. He has no rules and a gun with more firepower than anyone could ever need to take out one person. He vaguely wonders how a single man could be worth this much effort but it’s a fleeting thought and it’s not his place to question anything.

The sounds of gunfire drift towards him from the distance and The Asset listens closely as they draw nearer. The soldier stationed with him gets a command over his communication device and The Asset is sent out into the street with a hand signal.

He hears the sirens minutes before Fury’s black SUV comes barreling around the corner with a hoard of cop cars following him like a swarm of locusts. The Asset moves to the middle of the road, gun balanced easily in his hands and watches as Fury’s eyes widen in horror.

The Asset pulls the trigger and watches in mild interest as the blast from the grenade throws the vehicle into the air like a baseball. The SUV lands thirty feet from The Asset and he’s sure the blast is enough to take his target out. He stalks to it and tugs the door straight off the hinges only to find that his target has escaped through a hole in the ground.

***

It takes the soldiers an hour to find where Fury is hiding. But they do and The Asset is given a gun and told where to go. He sets up on a roof opposite the building and waits patiently. He watches as a blonde man climbs the fire escape but is uninterested.

His mission is to kill Nick Fury, anything else is irrelevant.  
He knows his target is in the room but he doesn’t know where and shooting now would only give away his position and jeopardize his mission.

The lights in the living room flash on and off and then Fury is in his view and The Asset pulls the trigger: once, twice, three times. He’s quick to pack up his gun but even then Blonde Dude is on the roof behind him before The Asset can disappear into the night.

The Asset glances back once before he takes off at a sprint. The other man keeps up with him, much to his surprise, but when he throws the shield attached to his arm The Asset easily catches it as the sounds of metal on metal echo over the quiet streets.

***

The Asset returns to his handler, because that is all he knows to do. Breaking into the mansion is easy, as is startling the man, apparently.

He sits calmly at the table, even as his handler shoots the woman who keeps his house clean. The Asset wonders why they don’t just shoot him. He thinks it would be a blessing, maybe they know it’s not a blessing that he deserves.

***

They don’t put him back on the chair. Instead, he’s given a new mission, kill Captain America and the Black Widow. Threats to World Peace, or so Pierce tells him. He has ten hours to complete his mission. He’s sure he can do it in less time.

Especially after they kidnap a Hydra operative.

***

Combat comes naturally to The Asset.

He pulls the hydra operative from the car and tosses him aside like a ragdoll. He doesn’t care if this man lives or dies. His only thought is to his mission.

He fires twice into the car before the brakes are pulled and he’s sent flying forwards. He comes to a stop with his metal hand throwing sparks into the air and stands up slowly. He sees the Black Widow pull a gun but he doesn’t move as a hydra vehicle comes up behind the car, forcing it towards him.

With a grace that has been trained into him The Asset flips onto the roof of the car and quickly shatters the windshield to pull out the steering wheel. Shots come from where the Black Widow sits so The Asset jumps to the front of the Hydra vehicle, which is used as a battering ram to disable the Mission’s car.

When they come to a stop The Asset is given a grenade launcher by a Hydra soldier which he aims at Captain America, sending the man off the bridge they’re fighting on. There’s the sound of glass breaking and a crash of vehicles as screams come from below.

But The Asset has already focused his attention on the Black Widow. The woman hides behind a car so The Asset waits for her to start shooting before he shoots another grenade at her. He follows her path and shoots again when she’s behind another car. He watches as the car spins off the bridge but has no illusions that she’s not a threat.

He’s aiming the gun given to him by a hydra soldier, ready to shoot at an overturned bus, when a bullet comes from below, hitting his goggles. He ducks back behind the side of the bridge and takes a moment to pull the goggles off. The cracks in the lenses block his vision too much for them to be useful.

“She's mine,” The Asset says in Russian, his voice rough from disuse. “Find him.”

***

A voice sounds from behind a van and The Asset pauses to listen. It sounds a little off but not enough to worry him. He crouches behind a car and pulls an explosive from one of the pouches on his uniform, only realizing at the last moment that the voice is a recording.

He senses her just before legs wrap around his shoulders, forcing him to step back to accommodate. There’s something familiar in the way that the Black Widow moves and he’s almost distracted as the thin wire wraps around his neck.

Almost.

The Asset quickly throws the Black Widow off. She tosses something at his arm and suddenly he can’t move it as an electrical pulse flows through it. It gives her the chance she needs to run.

He pulls the EMP off his arm and flexes it, knowing that it will need maintenance later and hating that fact. He can hear her telling the civilians to leave but he doesn’t care. He takes a shot and knows he hits his mark as the Widow hides behind another van.

He prefers being up high, it feels more natural, more secure, as he aims at where the Black Widow is hiding from the top of a car. One more shot and half of his mission will be complete.

Red coming towards him catches his eye and The Asset turns to see Captain America running at him. He deflects the first strike and pushes the other man away, falling back against the car with the force.

Captain America is as enhanced as he is.

The fight that ensues feels more like a dance, blows traded equally and kill strikes evaded with ease. The Asset knows his chances of success are low, especially when the third target joins the fight. His only goal now is to survive and regroup with his handler. He still has time to complete his mission.

The captain grabs his mask and The Asset flips away to avoid more damage. The mask slips from his face as he rolls to a standing position and turns to face his opponent. His mission.

The shock on Captain America’s face is easily readable and it doesn’t sit well with The Asset. He’s used to people looking at him with fear, not with barely concealed hope.

“Bucky?”

“Who the hell is Bucky?”

***

Fear is not something The Asset is familiar with. He’s not familiar with any emotions, so the feeling of… something… spreads fear through his veins. He’s not sure how to react anymore. All he knows is that this started with Captain America calling that name and he hates him for it.

There are men surrounding him as thoughts and feelings and memories twist through his mind like a storm and he lashes out to release the energy. The men point guns at him but The Asset doesn’t care.

_Bucky._

_Who the hell is Bucky?_

A slap brings him back to his body.

“Mission report, now.”

“The man on the bridge,” The Asset says, unsure. He feels unsteady like a soft breeze would be enough to knock him off the chair. “Who was he?”

“You met him earlier this week on another assignment.”  
“I knew him.”

He doesn’t like that he knew him. It seems that Pierce doesn’t like it either. The man sits on the chair in front of him.

“Your work has been a gift to mankind,” Pierce says and The Asset almost hopes he’s telling the truth.

He almost wishes he was doing good, but something in his chest, something that sounds like the man on the bridge, tells him Pierce is wrong. That The Asset is not a gift.

“You shaped the century, and I need you to do it one more time. Society is at a tipping point between order and chaos. Tomorrow morning we're gonna give it a push. But, if you don't do your part, I can't do mine, and HYDRA can't give the world the freedom it deserves”

“But I knew him,” Bucky repeats because his mind keeps coming back to that and he’s so confused. He needs answers, he needs to know who that man was more than he knows what to do with. He’s not used to this, not equipped for this.

Pierce stands and The Asset— _Bucky_ —The Asset lifts his head to watch him, worry creasing between his brows as it all becomes too much.

“Prep him,” Pierce orders.

“He’s been out of cryo-freeze too long,” a tech says.

“Then wipe him and start over.”

He’s forced back into the chair but it’s not until his arms are encased in metal strong enough to hold him down that he really starts to panic. His heart pounds against his ribs as his breathing speeds up. Soon pain is all he can feel, the only thing he knows as the Hydra techs wipe him. As they use the chair to turn him back into the weapon that will shape the future.

Then the world goes dark and he knows nothing else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed this so far! I am super excited by the response to the first chapter! I have been loving this story and as this is my first one in this fandom I wasn't sure what to expect but y'all are super sweet.


	3. Tony Stark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Clint,” Tony says when he calls the archer later that night. “Dude. The Winter Soldier is in New York and I don’t know how to handle this.”

The Winter Soldier is in New York. Not only that, the Winter Soldier isn’t even trying to hide the fact that he's in New York. This wasn’t some covert mission at all and that sets Tony’s teeth on edge.

He stares at the camera feed as Steve, Nat, and some guy Tony has met yet fight with the infamous Soldier on a bridge due south of the Triskelion. He wonders, however briefly, if he should suit up and join the fight. But then he remembers that he promised a visit to Clint’s kids the next day and if he’s going to do that then he can’t be fighting possibly enhanced assassins in the middle of New York.

He will, however, be paying for the cleanup.

Tony winces as Steve gets thrown off the bridge and is just about to call the suit to him when his phone pings with a message from Laura. He opens it up to see a picture Lila drew for him and decides, however much it pains him to do so, that Steve, Nat, and New Guy have this covered.

He hopes.

When the dust settles from the last grenade Tony heaves a sigh of relief.

***

“Clint,” Tony says when he calls the archer later that night. “Dude. The Winter Soldier is in New York and I don’t know how to handle this.”

“You could ignore it and head to the Homestead tonight,” Clint offers like he knows that’s not something Tony is capable of doing. Not when there’s a chance he’ll be needed here.

“Clint—”

“The family will still be here when this blows over,” Clint reassures him with an unusual gentleness and Tony could honestly kiss the man. Well, he could if that didn’t mean Laura kicking his ass.

“Are the kids still up?” Tony asks because he wants to tell them himself. He knows he can ask Clint to do it and that the man wouldn’t judge him. But Tony also knows what it feels like to never be told things by the important adults in his life. He feels guilt pool in his stomach when Clint shakes his head with a frown.

“They’ll understand,” Clint signs when the conversation lags for too long. “You know you don’t have to worry about them, right? They love their uncle Tony.”

“I know,” Tony says unconvincingly, judging by the fact that Clint clearly doesn’t believe him. “Okay. Theoretically I understand. Practically though…”

“If you want to get practical,” Clint says with a growing smirk and a mischievous glint in his eyes. “You can bring my poor neglected children gifts when you come visit next week.”

“Asshole,” Tony glares, absolutely refusing to give Clint the satisfaction of knowing how amused Tony is right now. How grateful he is for Clint’s steady friendship.

“Now, about that prank…”

***  
Tony feels like Steve and Nat are handling the Shield situation remarkably well as Jarvis monitors their location through the shield servers that he never actually left, despite what Fury believes. (Of course, he knows Nick is alive. The asshole would stay alive just to spite Satan himself).

And then the data dump happens. Tony tries to contain it, he really does. He types as fast as he can, nearly yelling orders at JARVIS, in an attempt to contain the chaos that Rogers and Nat had just unleashed upon the world.

He thinks he manages to save at least a few lives.

***

Tony doesn’t know what to think as he watches the video on the screen for the fifth time. Ice runs through his veins when he finally moves, stumbling over his own feet as he reaches for the liquor cabinet. There’s no way he can survive this moment without something to help him.

The first three bottles come up empty and Tony remembers promising he’d go sober and he hates himself for that promise right now. The image of the masked soldier snapping his mom's neck plays vividly in his mind and Tony quickly loses his lunch into the trash can.

He’s going to make the Winter Soldier pay for what he’s done. For taking Tony’s mother from him, for taking Howard from him. He will find the bastard and make him fucking pay.

He doesn’t remember picking up the wrench but when he comes back to himself there are pieces of scrap metal lying bent to shit around him. There are a few dents on his work table but nothing else shows the results of his pain.

It takes Tony thirty minutes to put all the metal away, he doesn’t bother to fix it beyond that. He has Jarvis open up a random project and loses himself in that.

***

Tony’s head snaps up from where he’s dozing at a work table as Steve shoots from the elevator with a predatory look. The man looks like he wants to throw open the door and enter dramatically and Tony’s surprised he doesn’t just try to jump through the glass. He does, however, break his keypad as he jabs in the code.

Tony watches cautiously as Steve enters the room. He imagines this is what a dying man feels when Death comes for him. “Hi, Ste—”

Tony doesn’t get anything else out as Steve lifts him off his chair and slams him into the wall. The look in Steve’s eyes is crazed as he growls in Tony’s face. Tony wonders, briefly, if Steve knows what the Winter Soldier did to his parents.

“Wait, wait,” Tony cries out with his feet scrambling to touch the ground as he waves his arms wildly. He instinctively looks towards one of JARVIS sensors only to find that the ever present hum is gone. “Stop it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Steve demands harshly, pushing Tony higher on the wall.

“Tell you what?” Tony asks, hands grabbing onto Steve’s so he feels like he has some control as panic starts to set in. He has no idea what he’s supposed to do when Captain America, the co-leader of the Avengers, starts fighting him in his own home. “What didn’t I tell you what, Steve?”

“He’s Bucky.”

“Who’s? Steve? Bucky’s de—”

“He’s Bucky,” Steve repeats, slamming Tony’s head against the wall. “The Winter Soldier. Is. Bucky.”

“No,” Tony says breathlessly because that’s impossible. James Buchanan Barnes is _Dead_. With a capital D. “No, he can’t be.”

Suddenly, the bots come to life and charge towards them. Steve lets go of Tony as U runs repeatedly into his leg and Butterfingers pulls at the straps of the blond’s uniform. Tony is glad to see that Steve at least won’t hurt his bots as he backs away from them.

“Tony,” Steve says, sounding desperate enough that Tony almost forgives him for the attack. Almost forgives him for whatever the fuck he did to Jarvis. Because it’s not like his Boy to not say anything. “I saw him.”

“If this is true,” Tony says rubbing his neck tenderly. “If you’re not fucking with me, Rogers. Then this changes everything.”

“It’s true,” Steve assures.

“Sir,” JARVIS’ voice comes in weakly. Tony didn’t even know his AI could sound like that and panic races through his veins as that knowledge settles in his core. “Apologies for my absence.”

“Fuck,” Tony swears calling up the nearest screen and running a diagnostic on JARVIS. “What the hell did you do to him, Steve.”

“Nothing permanent, sir,” JARVIS assures, his voice already sounding stronger. “But I have taken the liberty of removing Roger’s access to the security bypass, sir.”

Steve flinches and Tony has to take a deep breath so he doesn’t escalate the situation needlessly. He’s pretty sure he’d only break his hand if he were to punch Steve right now. It would almost be worth it.

“Tell me what’s going on, Steve,” Tony demands with steel in his voice as he spins to glare at the super-soldier. “And do it fast before I kick your ass for screwing with JARVIS.”

Steve swallows thickly, back to looking like the All-American-Hero that Tony is used to seeing. He can see that Steve is just now realizing how bad he fucked up by messing with Tony’s kid.

“You have thirty seconds, Rogers,” Tony says with ice in his voice that he usually saves for the media that get on his bad side (which is most media these days). He doesn’t stop moving though, pulling up files that he’ll need to go through again. “Twenty-nine…”

“Wait, Tony—” Steve starts, expression contorted like Tony isn’t being Completely Reasonable already.

“I am waiting,” Tony snaps, turning to glare at Steve. “From where I stand, Steve, you came in, pinned me against the wall and then told me that the man who _killed my parents_ is your long-dead best friend.”

Steve freezes and looks away from Tony for a moment before looking back but it’s enough to send a spike of dread through Tony’s veins. He feels his stomach drop to his toes as his heart clenches in pain, worse than when he and Pepper broke off their short-lived relationship.

“You knew,” Tony whispers, backing away from the super-soldier before he does anything stupid. “Get out.”

“Tony—”

“Get out!” Tony shouts, grabbing the closest thing to him, a wrench, and throwing it at Steve. “Get out before I do something I regret, please.”

Tony can hear the soft whir of the door opening and closing as Steve’s footsteps disappear into the elevator.

“Sir?” Jarvis calls quietly but Tony doesn’t hear it as he sinks to the ground, sobs wracking through his frame. “Sir?!”

“Mute,” Tony orders brokenly as he curls up on the floor hoping the darkness will take him before the pain does.

***

Tony is pleased that Clint looks appropriately pissed off when he finishes telling the archer what had happened. They are curled up on the couch of Clint and Laura’s living room, covered in blankets. Laura is in the kitchen fixing up three mugs of her famous hot cocoa after putting the kids to bed.

“I’m going to put an arrow in his patriotic ass next time I see him,” Clint vows and it puts a small smile on the engineer's face. (Although Tony knows that Clint won’t do that if only to save his arrows for something that actually matters).

“I just—I can’t help but wonder how long he would have said nothing if I hadn’t said it first.”

“Tones,” Clint says, uncharacteristically serious. “You can’t think about the what if’s or you’re gonna drive yourself, and me, crazy. We all know there’s enough crazy here as it is.”

Tony nods and accepts the mug from Laura when she enters the room. He waits for her to sit in between the two, moving Tony’s feet onto her lap, before he speaks.

“I know,” Tony says quietly, inhaling the steam and letting out a deep breath. “I really do know that but that fucking hurt. I didn’t realize how much it could hurt and he clearly had only just found out as well.”

“Talk to him,” Laura signs and Tony nods, knowing they’re both right (and that they’d just bury him out back if he said otherwise).

“I will,” Tony assures, staring deep into his mug like it holds all the answers to life. “I just need space and time.”

Laura smiles gently at him, “you can have both of those here. You know the kids love to have you around. Plus, the tractor is broken again.”

“Again?” Tony signs, mug still in one hand. He’s a little shocked, considering he was the one that fixed it last time he was here. “It’s barely been a month.”

“I think the thing knows when you’re coming,” Clint signs with a grin, his mug already empty on the coffee table.

“Tragic,” Tony draws the path of a tear, down from his eye to his chin and pouts exaggeratedly. 

They all laugh and Tony thinks, suddenly, that maybe he can figure this out.


	4. James Barnes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surviving is hard.
> 
> Convincing himself to get out of bed every day takes most of his energy and then he has to actually make it through the day after that. It would be so much easier to just give up and let himself fade away into nothing.

He doesn’t go back to Hydra. He can’t. While he doesn’t know who he is or where he comes from he does know this.

He also knows a name.

_Bucky._

A quick search on a computer at the library reveals the existence of an exhibit on Captain America and the Howling Commandos, including Steve Roger’s best friend—Bucky.

Sneaking into the Smithsonian is easier than it really should be, considering the number of valuable items the museum holds. He’s wearing a black baseball cap, a grey zip-up jacket, and a backpack full of the only personal items he possesses.

He doesn’t even have to wear sunglasses to be unrecognizable as he walks past the security guards.

Finding the Captain America exhibit is simple, all he has to do is follow the red white and blue arrows. The room is large and cold would remind him of a Hydra warehouse if it wasn’t for the crowd and the wooden accents on the metal fixtures.

There’s no sense of recognition when he reads the passage by a picture of a man who could be him if he were to cut his hair. _A Fallen Comrade_ the title reads. It feels fake, like the story of another man. 

_James Buchanan Barnes._

***  
He leaves America on an international flight from the Ronald Reagan National Airport in D.C. He’s got a few fake passports and no one official is looking for a ghost story right now so he’s got an estimated ten hours to make his escape.

He doesn’t remember much, if anything, about who he is outside of what was written on the wall of a museum exhibit, but he knows enough to understand that he cannot risk getting caught by anyone right now.

***  
Some days are better than others. He doesn’t feel human, most days he doesn’t even feel like anything. He drifts from city to city with nothing more than a backpack to his name.

He doesn’t spend long anywhere and it starts to wear on him. He feels weaker than he ever felt with Hydra. Most nights are spent on high alert, waiting for his enemies to come crashing through hollow doors, guns blazing. He doesn’t sleep much but what sleep he does get is fraught with nightmares.

There are bags under his eyes and on the rare occasions that he gets to shower, when he’s saved up enough to get a hostel for a night, he can see his ribs. His beard has grown out and his hair never quite gets clean enough.

Slowly, though, over days and weeks and months, he feels like he might make it. Like every time he’s struggled, every nightmare and memory and doubt will be worth something to someone.

***

The city he chooses to settle in is just like any other city he’s been through in Europe, but somehow it feels like home. It’s loud and peaceful and while there are many people they all seemed to have figured out the rhythm of their lives. There’s a pattern in their interactions that he learns to mimic and soon he’s fitting in like he’s been there his entire life.

He does odd jobs, using his inhuman strength to get by, and finds an apartment in a shitty part of town. The place has clearly seen better days, there are more paint chips on the ground than there is paint on the walls. The electricity only works half the time and he has to let the water run for three minutes before it loses the blood-red rust color. There’s freedom in dingy yellowing walls and an old mattress on the ground.

The language they speak sets something in him at ease, like a piece of him was missing before he heard his landlady speak to him for the first time. It doesn’t quite feel like home but he thinks that maybe it’s close enough.

***

Surviving is hard.

Convincing himself to get out of bed every day takes most of his energy and then he has to actually make it through the day after that. It would be so much easier to just give up and let himself fade away into nothing.

But that’s more than he deserves.

So he gets up every morning.

He learns how to cook with days-old bread and eggs from the bakery down the block. (He helps them empty the delivery truck every Tuesday and Thursday. The eggs are his payment). He trades labor for a journal and a pen and starts writing down everything he remembers.

Everything he is lives in this book. Bits and pieces of who he was before and who he is now. Hopes for who he will become. Kept safe in crisply lined pages in case they make him forget again.

_My name is James Buchanan Barnes._

_Bucky._

He wonders if it will become true if he writes it enough.

_My best friend is Steve Grant Rogers._

These words don’t feel like they’re his. He doesn’t feel like Bucky. He doesn’t know who Steve Rogers is. He doesn’t know who he is.

All he knows is a ratty old apartment and a cat that’s more willing to try to eat him than to eat the canned tuna he’d picked up at the store.

Somedays, he’ll look in the journal, and there’ll be an entire page that he doesn’t remember writing. Those days scare him the most. He hates losing time. Hates waking up and feeling like something, someone, has been in control of his body and he can’t remember it.

_My name is James Buchanan Barnes._

_Bucky. Bucky. Bucky._

_Who the hell is Bucky?_

***  
The sunrise over Bucharest is peaceful in a way that nothing else in his life is. He rather enjoys the changing colors and the way the world slowly comes to life as dawn breaks over the city. He doesn’t feel so alienated from the rest of humanity when he’s sitting on the roof of his building with Pisică curled up beside his metal arm.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been sitting there and he’s not sure that he cares except his stomach is growling and Pisică is starting to gnaw on his finger. It’s not an unpleasant sensation but he’s sure that the metal of his hand is not good for the cat’s teeth.

“Let’s have some breakfast,” The Asset— _Bucky_ , he reminds himself. _My name is Bucky_.— lifting Pisică onto his shoulders where he starts to play with the tangled hair by his ear.

He doesn’t feel like a Bucky.

While they eat, he reads through the journal and adds what he remembers of his dreams last night. It’s not much but every stroke of the pen on the page is another part of himself that he’s learning, becoming, is.

***

He has been in Bucharest for two months the first time he notices something weird. He’s in the market, buying plums—which discovered he’d loved early on and bought every chance he got now—when he sees a security camera move to follow him down the street.

He has a gun and several knives strapped to his body and his finger’s itch to grab one and destroy every camera that threatens to ruin his peace in the city. But then he catches the eyes of a young girl who smiles brightly at him and he doesn’t want to ruin her day.

He doesn’t want to make another kid cry.

So he doesn’t break the camera’s but he does choose a route home that the cameras won’t be able to follow. He feels like he’s breaking into his apartment when he climbs through the window but the alley with the fire escape is the only entrance that doesn’t have surveillance.

He sees the paper on the table immediately and feels dread spread through his limbs as he cautiously picks it up. The paper is thick and heavier than he expects. The scrawl on the front is difficult to decipher but somehow still elegant. It takes him a moment to see that it says his name, the words unfamiliar in handwriting that’s not his own.

_James Barnes,_

He sits heavily at the table despite the fear that sits low in his stomach telling him that he needs to leave now. Because someone knows where he lives and he can’t have that, even if it means starting over somewhere new.

 _I feel like a pedant leaving an actual real-life swear-to-god_ paper letter _here instead of a message on a phone like a normal person. But even my phones are traceable if someone were to try hard enough and I do not, contrary to popular belief, want anyone to find you before you’re ready to be found. I may be an asshole but I’m not that bad._

_I honestly didn’t even know I still had paper._

_Anyways, yes, I know where you live, I’ve known since you got here and no, no one else knows. Not even your pal Capsicle. Though I’m sure he’s going to smash my head into another wall if when he finds out that I actually for-reals didn’t tell him anything this time._

_My purpose for writing this letter with a real pen is to tell you that I am working on a pardon for the crimes of The Winter Soldier on the notion that you were brainwashed by Hydra. For the most part, you don’t need to be involved. Hell, even when you’re pardoned you won’t need to come back to the US if you don’t want to. I will, however, be needing your testimony. This will be going to trial, not even I have the power to avoid that, but it won’t be for some time yet. Six months to a year, at least. I’m currently working on gathering evidence and it helps that Hydra wasn’t as careful with their files as they should’ve been while they were taking over shield from the inside out._

_I will be contacting you again. I know you probably feel violated right now. As I’ve said, no one but me and my Robot Child knows where you are (and we won’t tell). I understand if you need to leave._

_There’s another gift for you. If you want it. You don’t need to take it and I’ll understand if you don’t trust me. He’s in the box on your bed. His name’s TADASHI. I said know I said my cellphones can be traced (by maybe three people besides me in the world) but this guy can’t. The only people with access to him are you and me (And JARVIS but he doesn’t count, really, since he and TADASHI are on the same server) and only in cases of emergency._

_T.S._

Bucky— _James,_ he thinks suddenly. _I like James_ —stares at the letter blankly. He has no idea how he’s supposed to react, how he even wants to react, or what to do next. He can see the little box on his bed and while he is curious there’s a voice in his head, a voice that sounds suspiciously like Steve, telling him not to do it.

He knows who Tony Stark is, of course he does. But in no scenario that he’s ever considered would Tony Stark be contacting him. Especially not through a letter. He reads the letter again and folds it carefully before putting it back in the envelope. The envelope goes into his backpack which he puts back under the floorboards.

He grabs a can of cat food and sets it out for Pisică who had been dozing on his pillow.

He ignores the box as he prepares his own food.

It’s not until after he has written the day’s events, everything he’s remembered and his reactions to the letter, that he knows what to do with Stark’s second gift.

The box is heavier than he expects. It’s thin, long and a dark gray color. James Hesitates to open it for another moment, looking at the blank top of the box and hoping he isn’t making a huge mistake.

Inside is a watch. He doesn’t know much about watches, except that he’s never seen one like this before. The screen of the watch is dark, tinted only enough that he can make it out. The band itself is a cool metal that feels strong enough to stand up even to his arm.

When he touches the watch it lights up with a glowing blue triangle then slowly fades back into the black screen. James carefully lifts it up and brings it closer to examine it better. He’s startled when a blue light shines from the watch, causing him to drop it.

“Scan accepted,” The watch says, startling him even more. “Hello Sergeant James Barnes.”

“Uh, hello,” James responds slowly in Romanian, the language flowing more naturally off his tongue than English would. He picks it up gently from where the watch lands on the bed. “TADASHI?”

“Yes. I am TADASHI. I was created by Tony Stark as a Personal Health Care Provider. I am here to provide for your physical, mental, and emotional needs.”

James’ eyes narrow as he glares at the watch. He’s tempted right then to crush it to dust between his fingers but something holds him back. Instead, he sets the watch down and closes his eyes, taking a deep breath.

While James doesn’t know much about his past before becoming the Winter Soldier, only snippets that come to him in nightmares and sudden bursts of memories, he does know enough to be insulted. Tony had built him a goddamned _shrink_.

“What the hell,” James snarls, snatching up the watch again. “Who the hell does he think he is?”

“A message from Mister Stark,” TADASHI says as a warning before another blue light pops out of the screen to reveal a miniaturized form of Stark.

“What’s up, Snowflake,” Stark says, looking straight ahead. He looks like all the pictures James has seen of the man, except blue and tiny. “If you’re hearing this it’s because you activated TADASHI instead of throwing him away. Congratulations. Now, I’m sure spending seventy years as a Hydra puppet has not helped you at all with technology. If you have any questions about how TADASHI functions you can ask him yourself. He’s not a shrink. He’s not going to psychoanalyze you and point out every single complex you have and tell you what your dreams mean. What he will do is help you with the day to day things that you might find difficult. Or not, it’s up to you, really. I guess that’s all I have now. If you ever need to contact me just ask TADASHI, he should be able to survive whatever you’re up to these days. Goodluck Frosty.”

  
Stark disappears after the genius gives a two-fingered salute and James is once again left staring at the watch. It takes him a moment to gather his thoughts before he puts the watch back in its box and sets it by the bed.

He lays down on the bed and stares at the ceiling with a frown. Pisică jumps on his chest and curls into a tiny ball, as he has most nights recently. Absently, James pets the cat as he processes everything that has happened since he left the apartment that morning to get a bag of fucking plums.


	5. Project ICE BREAKER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There will be no killing of any national icons,” Tony huffs amusedly, even though he’s positive Pepper isn’t joking. “There will not even be the torture of any national icons, Pep. It’s fine. I’m fine.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We take a look at Tony's side of things leading up to the addition of TADASHI in James' life.

“Pepper, darling, light of my life,” Tony gushes when Pepper answers his call at— "What time is it, Jarvis?" "Three AM, sir."—three in the morning. 

“This better be an emergency,” Pepper growls into the phone, and Tony winces because he just knows that Pepper is not going to be happy with him. “Tony. What did you do?” 

“Okay, so, maybe it could’ve waited but I need your help. It’s not an everyone’s-gonna-die emergency but it is an  _ internationally-wanted-amnesiac-super-soldier-ex-hydra-assassin-on-the-loose  _ kind of emergency.” 

The silence on the line is telling enough that Tony starts mentally planning a full spa day for one of his oldest friends. And maybe a vacation to the Bahamas. Or several vacations. To the Bahamas. He wonders how many vacations in the Bahamas are too many vacations in the Bahamas.

“Tony,” Pepper sighs. He can hear the rustle of linens and can’t help the swell of affection he feels because Pepper is so good to him. Good enough to answer a three am call and actually get out of bed. Pepper is the true hero here. “What the hell?” 

And pissed at him, he can’t forget that. He should never forget when Pepper is pissed.

“Blame Steve. He’s the one who found his ex-bestie and blamed me for it.” 

“He what?” Pepper demands and Tony knows by her tone that he has her full attention. “Don’t you dare spare me any of the details, Tony. I’m your friend, not Steve’s.” 

In his original telling of what had happened to the Barton’s Tony might have omitted a few minor—important—details. Such has the physical part of it. So not anything life-changing but enough for him to be nervous about telling Pepper. 

It’s not that Tony didn’t think what Steve did was wrong. He was (and still is) pissed. It’s more that Tony doesn’t think confronting Steve is worth it. Tony has already reset Steve’s permissions where JARVIS is concerned and won’t allow the super-soldier near him unless he’s absolutely positive the other man is not going to have a repeat of their last explosive encounter. 

“Tony.” 

“Okay, geez,” Tony huffs, like he hadn’t been planning on lying to Pepper—by omission so not  _ technically  _ a sin. “So Cap may or may not have disabled JARVIS, barged into my lab, and slammed my head against the wall because he thought I knew that James Barnes was Hydra’s very own Winter Soldier and was keeping that fact from him even though I told him I had no idea who good ol’ Frosted Flakes was.” 

The silence sits heavy in his lungs for reasons that Tony doesn’t want to think about. He considers, briefly, hanging up but he doesn’t want to face Pepper’s wrath on top of everything else. He didn’t realize that someone else knowing everything would affect him so much. Even if that someone else was Pepper and he knows Pepper would never judge him for it. 

“What the hell, Tony!” Pepper yells. He can hear the slam of a door and something tells him Pepper is on his way over to yell at him in person. He can’t really regret telling her, though, not when she’s also coming over to offer her support at  _ three in the morning.  _

“Pep,” Tony says, his voice coming out more tired than he’d like. He feels more tired than he'd like but he figures that's what he gets for waiting until now to call someone like Clint has told him to do. “I’ve processed it. It’s fine.” 

“You know damn well it’s not  _ fine,  _ Tony,” Pepper bites out. “No one, not even Captain America, gets to treat my best friend like that and lives to tell the tale.” 

“There will be no killing of any national icons,” Tony huffs amusedly, even though he’s positive Pepper isn’t joking. “There will not even be the torture of any national icons, Pep. It’s fine.  _ I’m fine. _ ” 

“We will talk about this more in person, Tony,” Pepper says and ends the call with what Tony swears is an angry jab at the screen. 

Frowning at his phone, Tony realizes that maybe calling Pepper at three in the morning was a mistake. 

***

Tony has known Rhodey since his very first day at MIT, back when Tony was a pimple-faced brat with no sense of self-preservation. Not much has changed, honestly, except now Tony knows to hide when his Sour Patch looks as angry as he does now. 

Rhodey and Pepper are sitting in the living room of his penthouse apartment whispering to each other and if Tony didn’t know that they were pissed at Rogers and not him he would be running for his life right now. As it is, he’s avoiding stepping back into the room, not wanting to deal with the confrontation that was going to happen when he forbade them from going after Jolly Rogers. 

“Tony,” Rhodey says like he isn’t two steps from dawning the War Machine armor and flying out of the tower. “Get your ass in here.” 

“I’d really rather not,” Tony says, even as he does what his Platypus tells him to. “You two are scary when you’re mad and you’re not even mad at me this time.” 

Tony claims his seat in between his two closest friends and sinks into the bubble of warmth they provide. It’s been way too long since the three of them have shared a space and, since he knows it won’t be lasting long since Rhodey has to return to the military, he cherishes it. 

“Let’s start with the Winter Soldier thing,” Pepper says once she’s comfortable with her legs in Tony’s lap. If he didn’t trust Pepper as much as he does Tony would be feeling rather trapped right now. He doesn’t do well in enclosed spaces, even if he knows how easy it would be to just stand up. “Then we’ll get to the Rogers thing.” 

“Can we just stick with the Winter Soldier thing?” Tony implores, even though he knows they’re not going to budge on it. He loves his friends even if he thinks they’re overprotective to a fault. After all, Tony is Iron Man. He can take care of himself. The two share a look over his head and Tony rolls his eyes. “Fine.” 

“So, what was this about James Barnes being back from the dead,” Rhodey starts when Tony doesn’t continue. “And not even that, also the fact that he’s the Winter fucking Soldier?”

“Well,” Tony draws the word out, only to cut off when Pepper squeezes his arm gently. “Rogers recognized him in the D.C. fight and long story short he survived the fall only to be captured by Hydra and he killed my parents and Steve knew and didn’t tell me.” 

Pepper’s grip on his arm tightens until it’s almost painful only to suddenly release as she throws her arms around his shoulders. Tony slips his arms around her waist and holds on tight, dreading the moment she decides to let go. 

“I’m not going to kill him, Tony. But I’m going to make sure he wishes he was dead.” 

Tony nods into Pepper’s shoulder before resting his cheek there to look at Rhodey. He nods to his friend, acknowledging that Rhodey was going to be involved as well and there was nothing he could do about it. 

*** 

Tony wakes up with sweat running down his back and goosebumps on his arms. His heart pounds in his chest and each attempt at a breath feels like knives in his lungs. Tony grasps for something to hold onto, to anchor him to anything but the panic he feels. 

“You are in the tower, sir. It is four AM, November 14th, 2015. There is no one else in the room,” 

Tony catches his breath before tearing the sheets from his body and rolling so his feet are on the floor. He rests his head in his hands and just breathes until he no longer feels like he’s falling with nothing to catch him at the bottom. No Hulk to roar him back to life. 

“Lights, J,” Tony orders, stepping into the bathroom to splash water on his face. A glance in the mirror shows that the bags under his eyes are pronounced and he hasn’t shaved in days. He’d only just come up from a three-day inventing bender and had crashed into bed only two hours ago. 

Tony stretches his neck and rubs at the front, trying to rid himself of the feeling of a nightmare he’d thought had long faded into obscurity considering the new fodder his brain had to make his sleep almost as bad as his waking hours. 

After a quick shower, Tony makes his way to the elevators and down to the workshop, intent on finishing his latest project before one of his friends catches wind of his latest project. Tony’s wonderful yet egregious plan to get James Barnes pardoned and presentable for society. 

“How we looking, J?” Tony asks, patting DUM-E on his chassis and waving at U—who has been working on a secret project in the corner that Tony pretends to know nothing about. 

“Tast-E FREEze is going well, sir, step one of project ICE BREAKER is almost complete,” JARVIS assures. “I have it handled if you want to get some rest.” 

Tony doesn’t rest. His nights are plagued with memories, the cave bleeding into Steve holding him against the wall, bleeding into the wormhole, leaving him bleeding on the inside, unable to breathe. He needs this, needs to complete the project, process his emotions, and move on. 

“Very subtle, JARVIS,” Tony rolls his eyes. “Open up Folder X and let’s get started on those files, shall we.” 

“I guess we shall, sir.” 

*** 

“Good morning, Mr. Stark,” his newest child says and Tony grins at the watch. “I am TADASHI, your Personal Healthcare Provider.” 

“Hello, baby boy,” Tony greets, his smile softening at the movements of blue lights, the same shade as his reactor, bouncing on the screen. “How are you?” 

“I am well, sir,” TADASHI replies. His voice is a soothing balm on Tony’s frayed nerves. “Where is Sergeant Barnes, sir?” 

He wonders, sometimes, why he’s been working on a portable AI for Barnes, a man he could easily ignore and no one would blame him. But then he remembers the way he felt after Afghanistan. Back when he started learning languages to gain some semblance of control. 

He remembers sleepless nights spent talking to JARVIS, trying to work through the flashes of burning sand and water in his lungs, on the battery, the yelling and the hitting and the need to know that he was safe. That they no longer had control of him and Tony was finally free to  _ not waste his life.  _

JARVIS is his lifeline and the least he could do for Barnes was throw the rope. 

Nevermind that he’d spent two months perfecting the housing unit for TADASHI, creating something that could stand up to the Hydra-made metal arm Barnes was sporting. Nevermind that if Pepper or Rhodey found out about this little—groundbreaking, world-changing—endeavor they would question his sanity. 

“My scans indicate that you are sleep deprived, Mr. Stark,” TADASHI interrupts his thoughts. “Will you be resting soon?” 

“I’ve got a letter to write, then I’ll hit the hay.” 

“Very good, sir.” 

***

He delivers TADASHI himself, with the help of JARVIS and a drone. 

He doesn’t wait for Barnes to make it back to the apartment once he loses track of him, but he does wait until TADASHI comes online to leave Romania. 

*** 

Tony visits Laura when the walls of the tower start to close in on him. When playing nice with Steve on the field and ignoring the way Natasha watches him closely becomes too much. 

He spends his time playing with the kids. Wondering where everything went wrong with his  _ family  _ and what it was Tony did to make them fall apart. He remembers the book club he’d had going with Natasha and time spent walking around New York with Steve. He remembers movie nights and food fights and everything he’d ever wanted. 

A small—so infinitesimal it barely even counts—part of him blames Barnes. The man destroyed Tony’s family once, it’s easy to imagine him doing it twice. But that’s not really fair to either of them. Barnes spent seventy years with no control over his own actions and Tony is not going to blame him for the actions of others.

Not when Steve’s still not allowed in the lab. Not when JARVIS still hesitates to respond to the man’s requests, even the innocent ones about what time it is. Not when Tony can still feel phantom hands closing around his throat when he closes his eyes, hands that don’t belong to terrorists in caves. 

“I don’t know how to talk to him anymore,” Tony signs on his last night before he has to go back to the real world. “I’m not really mad that he didn’t tell me anymore. It’s more that he hasn’t tried to apologize once in the last four months.” 

Laura is a patient woman, anyone who puts up with Hawkeye and Iron Man has to be, but even he can tell she’s fed up with the whole situation. 

“Should I lock you two in a closet and throw away the key?” Laura signs with no small amount of exasperation. “Sure, Cap’s an asshole, but have you tried talking to him?” 

Tony scoffs as he signs back, “I have been out of the closet for years. There’s no way you’re shoving me back in, least of all with Rogers.” 

“Okay, fine, but I say you should still try talking to him,” Laura chuckles as she shifts so she’s leaning against Tony on the couch looking up at him with a small smile. “I’d do it for you if that were in any way healthy.” 

“I know,” Tony says before changing the subject entirely.

He knows Laura is right, that he needs to talk to Steve before their stubbornness gets them killed. But it is so much easier for Tony to maintain his anger at the super-soldier than to put himself in a vulnerable position with a man who doesn’t even know the meaning of the word  _ apologize.  _

*** 

Tony doesn’t talk to Steve. He doesn’t talk to Steve and it blows up in his face extravagantly when they’re on a mission in Sokovia and Steve is supposed to be with him, covering his six, and the man just isn’t there. 

Instead, Tony is pulled into a vision that he knows isn’t real, knows isn’t anything that has actually happened, but feels more real than anything he’s ever felt before. 

Instead, he’s watching as everyone he’s ever known and loved walks away from him. Leaves him alone and cold in an empty room. He watches, feet glued to the floor, as Laura signs at him angrily to never talk to her or her family again. As Steve and Clint and Nat and Coulson leave him behind. Aunt Peggy, his mom. Everyone.

Instead, Tony’s biggest fear plays out in front of his eyes. His family, the people he’d give his life for, walk away because Tony didn’t do enough. He didn’t save them. As he watches, the scene shifts until suddenly everyone he loves is lying on the ground, blood pooled around their bodies. Tony can’t breathe anymore, his lungs failing him once again, as he falls to his knees. 

Standing across from him—gun clenched in a metal fist— is the Winter Soldier. 

Tony doesn’t know what the man looks like now. The man in his vision is eerily similar to the Bucky Barnes he’s seen in film reels and photographs. Short cropped hair, a jawline that could cut glass, and a smirk that sends dread through Tony’s veins even as it tugs at something in his heart. 

“Why?” Tony stutters out as his vision tunnels, the world fading around him. 

“Because you trusted me.” 

***

Tony wakes up on the quinjet with a start and can’t bring himself to look anyone in the eyes. He knows they were successful, Thor is holding the scepter carefully in his hands, but he still feels like a failure. 

He doesn’t wait for anyone to cajole him into a debriefing. Instead, he takes off in the suit—ignoring the calls of his teammates he can still see covered in blood—and flies to the tower. 

“Call TADASHI,” Tony snaps once he’s in his workshop, his safe space. The words come out harsher than he intends but the panic he feels doesn’t allow for anything softer. “I need to speak with Barnes.” 

“Sir—” 

“Call. Him.” 


	6. Plums and Cats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t want to be a dad,” James squeezes between panicked breaths.
> 
> “I—” Tony starts and then there’s the sound of something crashing to the floor and the whirr of a machine. James can hear what sounds like wind rushing by and he blinks down at his watch. “Okay, I’m most certainly not qualified to give parenting advice but if you’ve managed to knock some poor woman up in the last year that’s certainly gonna be a game-changer on the pardons, Ice Pop.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what to title the chapters anymore...

“Sergeant Barnes, you have an incoming call from Sir,” TADASHI says and James doesn’t know how he feels about this. His first thought is to panic. He almost doesn’t answer because of it. Then he remembers how much Tony Stark, this man he hardly knows, has done for him and he has to accept the request.

“Hello?” James asks hesitantly in English when Tony doesn't immediately start talking. The word sits like ash on his tongue and James has to wonder what Hydra did to him that even English feels tainted. “Mr. Stark?”

“What do you look like?”

James startles at the question, looking down at TADASHI like the AI has all the answers to his problems. He feels like he’s missing something here, something important, and not knowing sets him on edge. His teeth clench as he tries to push away the urge to flee.

“Wait no,” Tony continues in a rush when James doesn’t answer. “That won’t work. I need a picture. Video! We can do a video call.” The other man sounds panicked and for some reason that helps James center himself. “TADASHI should have the capability unless I somehow fucked that up too. I probably did. Honestly, I can’t do anything right so I might as well fuck up my children too.”

“Tony,” James says but it’s clear that the genius doesn’t hear him. “Mr. Stark!”

Tony’s voice cuts off and James breathes a sigh of relief.

“You mind telling me what exactly is going on,” James asks. He doesn’t even realize he’s not speaking English until Tony responds in near-perfect Romanian.

“Oh, we’re speaking Romanian, huh, that’s good. I need to practice anyways,” Tony says, almost like James isn’t there which is honestly a little frustrating. “Anyways, it doesn't matter. This probably doesn’t make sense to you and I don’t know how to explain it but can we do a video call. It doesn’t even have to be long. I just—I need to see what you look like.”

James can hear the vulnerability in Stark’s voice and he can’t find it in himself to say no.

“Yeah, sure,” James agrees, and immediately his watch beeps.

James watches in fascination as a tiny blur Stark appears on his watch. The figure is about six inches tall and there’s hints of the space behind him but not enough to tell where the genius is, only that he’s indoors.

“This is the strangest thing I’ve seen, Stark, and I’m over ninety.”

Tony huffs, “I know, but it’s revolutionary technology, I’m still working out the kinks. Getting the hologram as clear as this took three months and at least six new patents. I’m still working on the—”

“I’m not complaining,” James interrupts the genius before he can go on a tangent that James won’t understand enough of to appreciate. “It’s better than all the Scifi novels Stevie used to read growing up.”

“Well, I’m glad I can surpass your expectations of technology,” Tony teases. They lapse into silence and James watches as Tony seems to work through something. The man opens his mouth and closes it again multiple times before his shoulder slump in defeat. James isn’t sure that he likes the look on Tony. “I really am sorry for bothering you, Snowflake. I know you’ve been working through some shit and I’m sorry to pile my shit on top of that.”

“I’ve got a fancy watch to help me with my shit,” James says with a small smile. “You’re not bothering me.”

Tony looks up at James sharply, studying the soldier’s face for something. He seems to find it and gives a decisive nod. “Can I just—request, I guess, that you don’t cut your hair… I know it’s weird and it’s your body and this sounds crazy but… Yeah, nevermind that’s too weird. Sorry. J, cut the—”

“Wait!” James interrupts, voice louder than it’s been in a long time. Panic floods through his system and he doesn’t know why, which freaks him out even more. “Mr. Stark. Tony. It’s—I’m— I’m not cutting my hair.”

“I—” Tony starts and James can see the tension leave his body on the man’s next exhale. “Okay, yeah, that—that’s good. I’m just—yeah. I’m gonna go, talk to you later, Tasty Freeze.”

The call cuts suddenly and James blinks a few times before he slowly lowers his arm. He lets himself breathe for a full minute before he turns back to the oven to finish making his breakfast.

James can’t help but think about Tony as he sits at the table with a plate of eggs in front of him. The man was clearly upset and James didn’t know what to make of his request. Something bad must have happened.

His mind keeps wandering back to the way Tony spoke about himself. It was a brief moment in their admittedly confusing conversation, but James is familiar with the self-hatred that had imbued the other man’s voice.

“TADASHI?” James says absently. “Remind me to call Mr. Stark back tomorrow when it’s not three in the morning in New York.”

“Yes, sir.”

***

The marketplace in Bucharest is James’ favorite place to visit whenever he gets the chance. It’s a walkway of farmer’s stands across from a plaza. He wears a cap on his head as he browses each shop. He picks up a few things for his meals and then visits his favorite shop.

Misses Bucur sells the best plums. She helped Bucky find his lodgings shortly after he’d arrived in Bucharest, back when he barely spoke and looked more like a waking nightmare than a person. He wonders briefly if there’s more to her than meets the eyes and decides not to question it.

“James,” Misses Bucur greets with a large smile, the setting sun illuminating her from behind like a biblical angel. “It is good to see you!”

“Hello, ma’am,” James says softly. “Is there any way I can help you today?”

Misses Bucur’s smile widens, showing missing teeth, “I have some crates in the back that need to be moved to storage.”

“Okay,” James agrees readily. He offers a smile as she hands him the key to the storage before he goes to the back of the tent and gets to work. He moves the crates of plums and other fruits from the truck to the storage area. When he finishes he locks the box and drops the key back with Misses Bucur before paying half-price—hard bargained from the free she’d originally tried to get him to take—for a bag of plums and continues on his day.

When he returns to his apartment that evening James is greeted by an unusually affectionate Pisică rubbing against his legs. He watches as the cat paws at the window like he wants out, which wasn’t strange, but what was strange is how Pisică waits for him, glancing over his shoulder at James like he should be following the cat already.

“Okay, okay,” James acquiesces when Pisică yowls at him. “I’m coming.”

Pisică leads James to the far end of the alley and sits next to a box. James doesn’t hesitate to look in the box, but he does hesitate when he sees six kittens, five of them pure black and one of them white as snow, all mewling desperately.

“You want me to take care of them, huh,” James says, sitting next to the box despite the filth of the alley. “What about their mom?”

Pisică moves further down the alley where another cat is curled into a ball, unnaturally still. James is surprised when tears spring to his eyes as he looks away from the sight, his stomach turning over. He doesn’t want to leave her there but his priority right now is taking care of the kittens. Innocent lives that he finally has the opportunity to help instead of hurt.

“Okay, Pisică, let’s get these babies inside.”

***

James realizes very quickly that he has no idea how to care for the kittens beyond getting them inside and transferring them from the moldy box to the nest made from his pillow and blanket on the bed. He stares at them blankly from the table, feeling something like panic well up in his chest and he has to leave or he feels like he’s going to explode.

“Dashi?” James groans, barely able to get a full breath in as he slides down the wall outside and stares out over the railing of the fire escape. “Call Stark?”

“Certainly, Sergeant Barnes.”

“Winter Wonderland!” Tony greets jovially and James exhales at the sound of his voice. “What can I do for you?”

James has to focus on his breathing instead of answering Stark. He’s had several panic attacks since he left Hydra. He’s woken up in the middle of the night unable to move because he knows he’s back in Cryo and sometimes they would start the process of waking him up only to leave him there, strapped down and surrounded by ice. He’d wake up sometimes on the table with techs operating on his arm. The agony would thread through his veins like a fire and he’d let out an animalistic scream that would have them jumping at the gun and sending James back under and—

“—ky. James!” Tony snaps, throwing James out of his spiraling panic. “James, are you okay?”

“I don’t want to be a dad,” James squeezes between panicked breaths.

“I—” Tony starts and then there’s the sound of something crashing to the floor and the whirr of a machine. James can hear what sounds like wind rushing by and he blinks down at his watch. “Okay, I’m most certainly not qualified to give parenting advice but if you’ve managed to knock some poor woman up in the last year that’s certainly gonna be a game-changer on the pardons, Ice Pop.”

“What,” James says, confusion blocking out the panic.“That—No. That’s not what I meant, Tony.”

“Then you haven’t knocked anyone up?”

“No.”

“Oh thank god. Okay. I’m sure I can work with this. JARVIS, new flight plan, let’s head back to the tower,” Tony says. “Don’t scare me like that again, James.”

Tony knows, James realizes as he sits there, the cold Bucharest air filling his lungs. Tony knows that James isn’t Bucky, isn’t the same man that fell off the train seventy years ago. James didn’t even have to say anything and yet Tony understands.

“So,” Tony says, interrupting James’ revelation. “If you’re not on the brink of fatherhood then what’s goin’ on, Terminator?”

“How do you take care of kittens?” James asks as he stares at the railing in front of him, counting each screw holding the thing together. He can picture them perfectly in his mind and the sight has him nearly panicking again.

“I am so not qualified to help with that, James,” Tony sighs, clearly exasperated. If James wasn’t one step from another panic attack he’d feel bad for bothering the man. “You do know that TADASHI has a search function, right? He’s connected to a secure server so it’s not even traceable.”

“Theoretically, I do know this, but I was panicking,” James says with a sigh. “I am sorry for bothering you, Mr. Stark.”

James stares at the ground in front of him, not wanting to hang up but not knowing what to do about this situation either. He is no more equipped to take care of living creatures than Tony. In fact, James is pretty sure that him taking care of a litter of kittens would somehow unbalance the universe.

“It’s not that, Jamestown. It’s just that taking care of things is really not my area. I created an AI to help take care of me.” Tony says when the quiet is almost enough to make James throw up. “How exactly did you come to be in possession of kittens?”

Tony listens while James relays Pisică accidentally adopting him as his human and the little adventure they’d had today. He should probably feel more embarrassed about the fact that little kittens sent him into an almost-panic attack but TADASHI has been working with him on not being embarrassed about his reaction to things.

“Let me get this straight,“ Tony says with a laugh. “You named your cat... cat?”

It’s only then that James realizes Tony has been speaking in Romanian the entire conversation. The language is so natural to him that he didn’t even realize it should be any different for Tony. He wonders how a man who has been through the things Tony has can be so understanding.

“I wasn’t plannin’ on keepin’ him,” James informs, letting the warmth wash over him. “Didn’t realize he was plannin’ on keepin’ me either.”

“And now you have a litter of kittens to take care of,” Tony laughs. “What the hell is your life?”

“Generally pretty terrible, if I’m being honest,” James says without thinking. His brain catches up with his mouth and James has to bite back a groan as he slumps even further into the wall. “Just ignore me, please. I’m going to hand up and ask Dashi how the hell I’m supposed to keep these things alive.”

“I feel that would be the best for both of us,” Tony says with a laugh. “I’m glad you’re doing better, James. Even if you’re a weird cat person.”

“Me too, Tony, me too.”


	7. Ultron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Tony Stark,” The robot says in a grating voice. “You are the enemy of mankind.”
> 
> “I’m the what now?” Tony says shocked into stillness. Clint is equally as still beside him. Tony turns to look at the archer. “Is he for real?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive me :D

Weeks have passed and Tony is no closer to figuring out what happened to him in Sokovia than he was right after the event happened.

Weeks have passed and he still wakes up most nights with sweat running down his back and tears in his eyes, calling out to his friends, to a man he’d never actually met. He spends the rest of those nights in the lab, going over reports and running simulations, trying to come up with something. Anything.

He can’t keep living like this, jumping at his shadows and calling James when it gets to be too much.

Tony talks to Bruce.

He calls Pepper and tells her about his worries.

He gets a call from Rhodey and hijacks it with his problems.

They all tell him that he has nothing to worry about. That they got the scepter back and whatever happened in the Hydra base must’ve been a fluke, a freak of nature, or just a simple concussion. None of his friends would abandon him so his concerns are invalid.

He knows they mean well but sometimes it feels like they’re brushing him aside.

He wants to tell them about James. He can’t tell them about James.

No one knows that Tony has been in contact—is in contact, will continue to be in contact—with the Winter Soldier, and has been for months now.

None of his friends know that when Tony accomplishes something James is the first person he messages. Inane things mostly. Like how he got to bed before three in the morning twice this week. Or how he ate lunch at a regular people time.

Tony could have never anticipated this development in their friendship but he’s not opposed to it. He enjoys talking to the soldier when they both have the time. He loves getting pictures of the kittens, even though he still has no idea how to care for them.

He hasn’t told James yet but Tony has been working on a system to help James even further with his time with Hydra. TADASHI was the first step and while his AI is clearly very fond of James there’s more work to be done.

Tony is not an expert on mental health, not by any means. So he calls in the experts. He gets their opinions and the facts and he worries about the technical side. He knows that this endeavor should take years but Tony pushes himself further and harder than he has for anything else.

“JARVIS,” Tony says at three in the morning eight months after starting B.A.R.F. “Step two of Project ICE BREAKER is ready for testing.”

***  
B.A.R.F. gets waylaid when Hank Pym creates a murder bot.

Ultron has been Pym’s pet project for decades and as soon as the AI had been complete it had taken Pym’s hatred for the Stark family to its metaphorical heart and tried to kill Tony and destroy his empire.

It starts at a Maria Stark Foundation Gala being hosted in the ballroom of the Tower. Tony is his usual charming self, dressed to the nines in a three-piece suit with an Iron Man themed tie. The rest of the Avengers are there and while they get along, for the most part, Tony still feels the rift between him and Steve. He knows that he needs to talk to the man, have a real conversation with real words. But it’s difficult. It’s been months of Tony trying to ignore the what-ifs only to circle back to them every time he thinks of breaching the subject.

So the Avengers get along for the most part but there’s a clear divide in loyalties and Tony hates it.

Tony schmoozes with the elites and sweet talks several couples with more money than they know what to do with to donate even more money to the Foundation. Each donation they get Tony doubles, but of course, he doesn’t announce that. As far as anyone knows Tony donated three-quarters of a million dollars at the beginning of the night and that was it.

“You’re quite the smooth-talker,” Natasha notes when Tony approaches the bar.

“Where’s Stan?” Tony asks, looking around for his usual bartender. A spry older fellow with a sunglasses obsession larger than Tony’s.

“Over at the poker table,” Nat points across the room and Tony snorts at the sight of Stan with two women draped provocatively over his shoulders and a drink raised in one hand.

“Can we talk later?” Tony asks because he suddenly has the courage to and he doesn’t want to miss his chance. “First just us and then the team. It’s important.”

“Of course, Tony,” Nat says with the same gentle smile that she would share over mochas and books written in Russian. He misses that smile.

“I—” Tony gets out and that is, as is the story of Tony’s life, exactly when the explosions start.

“Sir,” Jarvis says, activating the earpiece he wears to keep in contact with event security. “I’ve been—”

JARVIS cuts off with the sound of static that should never come from the AI’s speakers and Tony feels his heart skip a beat. He presses the button on his wrist band but nothing happens. Tony can’t call his suit without JARVIS.

He needs to get to the lab but he can’t move his legs. Tony can feel himself shutting down as he tries to process what he knows has happened to JARVIS. To his baby boy.

Natasha curses loudly, noticing Tony’s hesitation, and signals Clint over. Clint appears at their side and guides Tony out of the room. Security takes care of the rest of the civilians.

“Tones,” Clint whispers harshly. “You need to get to the lab.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Tony says, coming back to the present. “I know I just—”

“I understand,” Clint says and Tony can see in his eyes that he really, really does. “I’m with you.”

Tony nods and they sneak over to the stairway as another explosion rocks the tower. Tony hesitates for another moment before Clint grabs his hand and tugs. There’s the sound of breaking glass behind him but both men know they need to figure out what’s wrong with JARVIS first.

“Tony,” Clint yells before pushing Tony against the ground. An explosion sounds behind them and they’re met with the sight of a shiny silver robot with what looks like knock-off repulsor technology.

“Tony Stark,” The robot says in a grating voice. “You are the enemy of mankind.”

“I’m the what now?” Tony says shocked into stillness. Clint is equally as still beside him. Tony turns to look at the archer. “Is he for real?”

The Robot answers that with another shot from his blaster. Tony and Clint duck to the side and then start running down the stairs as Steve’s shield crashes through the glass walls and sends the Robot off course.

“Terminator back there is off his rockers,” Tony pants as they reach the landing and start down the next set of stairs. “What the hell.”

“Worry about his motives later,” Clint suggests, but he does grin at Tony. “Though you are right, man, he’s clearly a nutcase.”

The lab is dark when they get there and it takes Tony a moment to realize that it’s not because the lights are off but because the lights are gone. Tools are strewn about the lab, his equipment is in pieces and nothing looks like it works anymore.

“Fuck,” Tony grunts as he runs to the back of the lab, picking his way carefully but quickly through the debris. He makes it to the far end steps before Clint and slams his hand into the wall.

“Tony what the fu—”

The wall swishes open, cutting Clint off. Tony takes the stairs two at a time. When he reaches the bottom he nearly collapses at the sight of the ruined servers.

“Is that?”

“JARVIS, yeah.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah.”

Clint gives Tony a few moments, turning around to watch the entrance as Tony moves through the ruined remains of his first child.

Tony lets out a deep breath and makes his way back to Clint. He knows his eyes must show the way he feels, the burning rage twisting darkly through his body. Clint takes a step back and then shakes it off.

“That fucker is going to regret the day it learned what electricity fucking is.”

***

They’re sitting in the penthouse, the room deadly silent, as Tony takes apart the arm of the Robot. He recognizes the craftsmanship, had studied work just like this before, back when his dad was still working with Pym.

“That fucker,” Tony growls, throwing the arm on the table in front of him and barely resisting the urge to break it into pieces. He’s sure he needed it for JA—

Tony’s stomach roils and he knows he’s not going to make it to the trash can so he turns away from the table and throws up on his shoes. His nose burns and his eyes water as he feels a hand land large and warm on his back.

Clint rubs circles into Tony’s back as he urges the genius to toe-off his shoes. Steve goes to the kitchen to grab a glass of water and Nat runs her fingers through Tony’s hair.

“I’m going to kill him,” Tony says tonelessly when he feels like he can breathe again. “I am going to destroy everything he has ever loved.”

“And we’ll be right there with you,” Natasha assures. “We’ll make this fucker pay.”

Tony has heard Nat curse before, they all have. But the ferocity with which she says it is new. Tony looks up to the determination and the pain in Nat’s eyes and realizes then that Nat is on his side, has always been on his side.

He looks between his teammates and sees that they’re all there for him. Tony shudders before leaning back into Clint, knowing that the archer is there to support him.

“He’s not gone,” Tony says quietly, his eyes closed as tears run down his cheeks. “JARVIS. But he’s not going to be the same. I don’t—”

“You don’t have to make any decisions right this second,” Steve says, and it’s the first thing he’s said all night. The first thing he’s said to Tony when they’re not in the middle of a mission. “Tony, we’re the Avengers. You’re allowed to be angry first.”

And oh, he wonders if maybe they’re gonna be alright.

***

Tony doesn’t go to the lab, he can’t. So Clint brings the bots up to the penthouse and Tony puts them back together. They sit together on the floor, Tony propped up against Nat with Clint and Steve pressed against his sides.

He stares listlessly at his hands resting in his lap, not paying attention to the team planning how they’re going to take down Ultron. He smiles only when Dum-e comes back to life, just as clueless as he’s always been.

“We need to track him down,” Steve says looking at Clint above Tony’s head.

“How are we going to do that without JARVIS?” Clint demands, leaning heavier into Tony’s side as he squeezes where his hand rests on Tony’s shin.

Their voices are quiet, washing over Tony. He lifts his eyes and watches as each member of his team provides him much needed comfort without getting in the way of his work. There’s a flash of lightning and suddenly Thor is there, coming in from his landing spot on the balcony.

“What has happened?” Thor asks loudly and instantly concerned.

“Thor,” Steve greets and then the team gently catches Thor up to date.

“Do not worry, Man of Iron. We shall avenge our Shield Brother JARVIS,” Thor says, uncharacteristically quiet as he kneels in front of Tony. “I promise you this.”

“Thanks, Point Break,” Tony says just as quietly, smiling tiredly at the god.

Tony has not felt as angry as he feels right now for years. Not since Stane tore his heart out and left him dying on the living room floor. The rage burns cold in his chest and it eats up every thought process until the only thing Tony can think about is revenge.

His bots are back but there is still more work he needs to do.

***

“Good Morning, Boss.”

FRIDAY is programmed with a lilting Irish accent and while she’s not as advanced as JARVIS was she was made by Tony so naturally, she is good, perfect. Tony feels himself tear up at the sound of his newest daughter’s voice

“The files you gave me on Hank Pym have been sent to NEW SHIELD, boss.”

“Thanks, darling,” Tony says as he opens up the holograms and gets to work. “How’s J looking?”

“JARVIS will be back online in thirteen hours, boss.”

***  
“Hello, sir,” the lilting British voice jars Tony from his half-asleep state at his workbench. He nearly falls to his ground in his attempt to stand from the stool. “It is good to be back.”

“JARVIS,” Tony whispers, tears sliding down his cheeks. “Baby boy.”

***

Legally, taking down Hank Pym, with FRIDAY and JARVIS on his side, is easier than it should be for Tony. He gathers evidence, takes Pym to court, and shuts down his entire company. He takes great pleasure in acquiring the man’s assets and watching as Pym is guided into the back of a police car before heading to a maximum-security prison upstate.

Taking down Ultron, however, is a completely different matter.


	8. Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dashi? Call Tony?” 
> 
> “Sir is not available, Sergeant Barnes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, y'all, the moment you've (I've) been waiting for! 
> 
> lemme know what you think?

_The road is foggy as the asset rides a motorcycle along icy curves. He sees his target up ahead and speeds up, pulling out a gun before shooting out one of the back tires. The car veers to the right and crashes into a tree, smoke erupting from the hood._

_“There will be no witnesses.” The Russian order echoes through his thoughts._

_Inside the car is a man. He looks familiar but The Asset doesn’t know why. He feels afraid. He shouldn’t feel afraid._

_“Sergeant Barnes,” The man gasps, eyes wide. The Asset ignores him as he pulls the man from the car. “Please, save my wife.”_

_The Asset does not. Instead, he punches the man with a metal arm, once, twice, as the man’s wife calls his name._

_Howard. The Asset knew a Howard. He thinks, vaguely, tiredly, that this might be the same one._

_When the man no longer breaths, still in death but warm to the touch, The Asset maneuvers him back into his seat. He stalks around to the other side of the car and it takes only a moment, a brief twist of his wrist, to snap the woman’s neck._

_The Asset wants to throw up even as he approaches the trunk and pulls out the briefcase. He opens the lid to ensure that all five vials are there and then—_

****  
James wakes up, his heart pounding and tears dripping onto his pillow. Pisică lounges beside him on the pillow while Alpine licks at his cheeks. James places a gentle kiss on the kitten’s head before sitting up and wiping the tears away.

“Dashi?” James whispers brokenly, the watch lights up, letting James know that TADASHI is listening. He needs to talk to Tony, needs the man to know that James is a monster, that Tony can stop wasting his time because there’s no way James is worth it. “Call Tony?”

“Sir is not available, Sergeant Barnes.”

He could just leave a text, James knows this. He could leave a text and disappear forever, but he doesn’t even deserve that.

He does deserve this, though, Tony not picking up his phone.

James vows to keep trying even as the tears start up again. Alpine rubs against his side and James uses his metal hand to gently pet over her fur.

***

“Dashi? Call Tony?”

“Sir is not available, Sergeant Barnes.”

***  
”Dashi? Call Tony?”

“Sir is not available, Sergeant Barnes.”

***

“Dashi? Call Tony?”

***

“TADASHI?”

***

“Dashi? Call Tony?”

***

_Fuck._

James wants to scream as he watches the clip of an entire city rising into the air. He wants to scream as he sees Iron Man risking his life, as he watches Tony nearly die. He wants to rip into that robot, _Ultron_ , as he watches it nearly destroy the one good thing he has in the world.

The news is hours old when James sees it by chance as he walks through the market, past one of the electronic stores. He stops to stare, even though he can feel his heartbeat in his throat and panic rising like bile in his stomach.

“TADASHI? Call Tony?”

His heart soars when the call goes through even though he dreads it at the same time. James steps into an alley, leaning against the wall and trying to gain control of his labored breathing.

“Robocop?” Tony answers quietly and James sinks to his knees as relief courses through his body. “James, you there?”

“I’ve been trying to call you for weeks,” James whispers, wishing more than anything that he could pull Tony into the warm hug that the man deserves. “What happened?”

Tony sighs and it sounds to James like he has the world on his shoulders.

“JARVIS died,” Tony whispers, and James is pretty sure his heart stops. He can hear Tony splutter through the call and then; “Shit, he’s fine, James. He’s back. But Ultron killed him and then I had to go on the DL because Ultron had access to the internet. I couldn’t risk him finding you.”

“Tony,” James says, his voice just as soft as Tony’s had been. “Are you okay?”

“I’m doing alright, James. Better now that I can talk to you again.”

“Tony,” he says because hearing that shouldn't make him feel as happy as it does.

“Anyways!” Tony coughs. “How’re you doing, James?”

“Better now that I know you’re okay,” James says and he means it.

The past several weeks waiting to hear anything about Tony were difficult. He felt useless, sitting in his near-empty apartment, waiting for Tony to return his calls. Only to find out from the news that Tony had been involved in a near world-ending fight.

“Tell me about this fight?” James asks, knowing that Tony can’t give him all the details but still needing as much as he can get from the man. “Were the bots okay?”

“No,” Tony says after a pause. “Ultron killed them too.”

_Oh._

James isn’t sure where this anger is coming from but the rage building in his chest makes him want to scream. His stomach burns as his breathing picks up. James is glad he’s not in a public place, hiding in an empty warehouse by the docks now.

He can hear Tony talking but there’s static in his ears and the world is narrowing to a tunnel of gray.

“Fuck,” James yells, slamming his fist into the wall. He cradles it into his chest, knowing that he’s bleeding now but not really feeling it yet. “Tony I—”

“James,” Tony says urgently. “James are you okay?”

“I don’t think so,” James mumbles, falling to his knees as the world around him fades to black. “Tony—”

***

When James wakes up the world is still dark. He feels empty inside, like every emotion that’s been building over the last eight months has evaporated out of his body, leaving him the shell of a man. A feeling he’s intimately familiar with

The air feels cool against his boiling skin. The surface his body is on is too soft, which means he’s no longer in an alleyway, which means someone moved him.

James still feels like he wants to scream.

“James,” a voice says next to him and it’s only decades of training that keeps James from moving, from jumping away in fear, from lashing out at yet another innocent victim of his decades of conditioning.

Instead, his body tenses, he tries to move his metal arm but finds it leashed to a pole. For a brief second he wants to tear the metal off and destroy the voice, the person who put him there. James doesn’t realize he’s growling until the voice, more familiar now, speaks again.

“James, christ, it’s Tony.” James can feel a presence—warmth, comfort, guilt—next to him.

“Tony?” James says slowly, only now realizing that his eyes are still closed, that they’ve been closed the whole time. He looks to the side as he feels his heart-rate slow and is met with the sight of the most attractive man he’s ever seen. He doesn’t have control of his words right now as his tongue sticks to the roof of his mouth. He reaches out with his flesh hand. “Real?”

“Yeah, I’m real, Jimbo,” Tony says with a quiet chuckle, grabbing James’ hand and holding it gently with calloused fingers. “You scared me there, y’know. You stopped responding and then TADASHI wasn’t responding and I couldn’t get a sighting of you. Took a bit longer than necessary to break out of the hospital—J almost sold me out, the traitor—but I didn’t know if Hydra got to you so I had to come.”

“Hospital?” James latches on to the word because that means Tony’s hurt. That means Tony flew to him while he was still hurt and James can’t—doesn’t know how to feel about that

“I might have broken a few ribs and some other minor things,” Tony says like even that doesn’t send James into near cardiac arrest at the thought of his only friend being hurt.

“Breaking your femur and requiring surgery to fix it is not minor, sir.” JARVIS says sarcastically. James jumps at the sound but it’s not enough that Tony would notice so he tries not to feel embarrassed.

“Tony,” James says and he’s not sure if he wants to hug the man or yell at him for being reckless. He knows it’s not his place to do either so he leaves it alone, instead he squeezes the hand still holding his.

“Anyways,” Tony says, loud enough to make James wince. Tony looks at him apologetically before continuing. “You’re chained up because even passed out you’ve got a helluva left hook and I needed to get out of the suit at some point.”

It’s only then that James notices they’re back in his rundown apartment and he almost feels like crying a bit. Tony, smart, brave, wonderful Tony flew across the world while still healing just to make sure James was safe. Just to bring James home where he’d be comfortable and James doesn’t deserve that.

“Thank you,” James says quietly now that he can say it in person. Now that this might be his only chance to say it. He squeezes Tony’s hand and then he lets go, looking away from the man as he gathers his thoughts. “Tony, thank you.”

“James I—” Tony starts but James needs to get this out, to let Tony know he’s a monster, before he loses his nerves.

“Tony,” James interrupts because Tony needs to know. He doesn’t look at the man, he can’t. He doesn’t want Tony to see the tears forming in his eyes. Tony deserves to know what James’ hands had done, what James had taken from the man. He closes his eyes, not wanting to see the way he knows this will hurt Tony. “I killed your parents.”

The silence that follows feels deafening. James expects for Tony to react by doing to him what James remembers—what James can still feel in those quiet moments when he can’t sleep at night— doing to his parents. James expects for Tony to run, to leave James behind because James is repulsive and Tony deserves the world.

Instead, Tony undoes the cuff chaining Bucky to the radiator.

Instead, Tony pulls James into his arms, into a crushing, soul-warming, hug that James is not worthy of.

Instead, Tony whispers calming words into James' hair as a gentle and warm hand runs up and down his spine.

“James,” Tony says when tears are no longer spilling from James' eyes and his breathing has regulated to an acceptable level. “James, I know.”

James sits up, careful not to hit Tony’s chin as he pulls away from the man.

“How?” James demands because this is not how he had expected this conversation to go at all.

“When Capsicle and The Black Widow released the shield files I stopped most of them from hitting the World Wide Web, including highly encrypted HYDRA intel.” Tony isn’t looking at James right now and for that James is glad. “Once JARVIS decrypted it, I found a video dated December 16th 1991. I watched it.”

“Tony, no,” James gasps horrified that Tony not only knew what happened but had seen it. “Why are you still here?”

Tony looks at James with wide, tear-filled eyes and James has to crush the urge to pull the man into his arms. To comfort Tony the way the man had comforted him.

“I don’t blame you,” Tony says carefully, intensely, without looking away from James. “I mean, I did blame you, at the start. But now? Hell, James, my plan is to burn HYDRA to a crisp. To make them suffer for what they made you do.”

“It was me,” James snaps because he’s not going to let Tony take that guilt from him. “It was my hands. I can still feel it. Tony, _I can still feel it_.”

“You were the gun,” Tony says vehemently, snatching James’ flesh hand in his own. “You were the gun and you would never blame the gun for the murder.”

James realizes, suddenly, that he’s crying again. Silent tears that feel like a burden being lifted from his shoulders. He still feels the guilt, he’ll always feel shame for the things he’s done, but he thinks he might be able to shift the blame, to take action—revenge–instead of hiding from the world like that will change anything.

“James,” Tony says carefully, his voice more gentle than James deserves as he pulls James into another hug. “I know you’re not ready to hear this, and I am sorry, but I need to say it.” Tony takes a deep breath and pulls back until he’s looking James in the eye. “I forgive you.”

“Shit,” James says and he knows that Tony was right, James wasn’t ready to hear it—might never be ready to hear it from Tony—but he’s pretty sure he still needed to hear it. “Tony, Doll, I don’t—”

“You’re okay,” Tony says, this time leaning against James’ shoulder so they’re resting comfortably on the bed together. “I know it sucks right now but we’ll figure this out together.”

“Together,” James repeats because he needs to feel the word leaving his mouth to believe it. “Want that.”

***

James falls asleep shortly after with his head still leaning against Tony’s shoulder and wakes up with his head on Tony’s lap. He’s not sure what to do about being in such an intimate position so he just freezes, staring up at the genius with wide eyes.

“Needed my hands free to work,” Tony explains when he sees James watching him. “And to pet your cats.”

“You’re still here,” James says, his voice thick with wonder. “Thought I was dreaming.”

“Not a dream,” Tony assures, running a hand through James’ hair gently. “I hope you don’t mind that I’m planning to take Alpine home with me.”

James can’t help but laugh because Tony has been threatening to steal his cat ever since James started telling him stories. Like how Alpine had stolen fish from the market down the street and James had gotten blamed for it.

“She’s my cat, Tony,” James says, just like he always does—he relishes the familiarity and is sure that Tony brought it up on purpose. “Get your own.”

“But I like yours,” Tony whines, though James can see the smile in his eyes.

“Too bad,” James says with a grin. “She likes me best.”

“I don’t know about that,” Tony grins and shifts so James can see his cat curled around the genius’ neck. James has to beat down a flash of jealousy with a metaphorical broom before he can respond.

“Izmennik,” James hisses at the kitten. “Predatel'stvo in my own home.”

“I like it when you speak Russian,” Tony says softly, suddenly, catching Bucky off guard at the abrupt change in mood.

“I forget that Romanian isn’t your first language,” James replies honestly. It’s something he’s been curious about but has never brought up before. “How many languages can you speak?”

“Fourteen,” Tony tells him. “Two of them are sign languages but they still count.”

“That’s still six more than me,” James informs. “And I had seventy years to learn them.”

“There’s a man who knows fifty-eight languages,” Tony says with a shrug. “I’m not that impressive.”

“I still think you’re impressive,” James grins and then they’re smiling at each other, and James can’t help but think about how much he’d like to kiss Tony. To hug him and be with him and never have this moment end. “How’s your leg?” He asks again because no matter what his brain tells him he can’t have Tony.

“Sore,” Tony admits after a moment. “But it’s manageable. I’ll be fine you worry-wart.”

“If you say so,” James says after a moment. He doesn’t fully believe Tony but he doesn’t want to push it.

“I do say so,” Tony snarks, tugging gently on Bucky’s hair. “Now, let me get this finished up and then we’ll figure out our next step is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Izmennik- traitor  
> Predatel'stvo- betrayal


	9. The Accords

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How long have you known about this?” Steve asks, skimming through the documents.
> 
> “Three days,” Tony says with a frown.
> 
> “Three days?” Nat repeats, looking over at Tony. “You’ve done all this in three days?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A day late, more on why in the endnotes <3

He drums his fingers on his armrest, staring out the window of the plane as it crosses the Atlantic. Tony would’ve just flown back in his suit but James had vetoed the idea and had JARVIS call Pepper for a ride back.

Tony had not wanted to leave James, but he needed to get back to Stark Industries and James wasn’t ready yet to rejoin society. He also wasn’t ready to tell Steve yet, which was honestly more worrying to Tony considering Steve’s predilection for jumping to conclusions, though he’s not going to tell James that.

***

_“Soon, Tony,” James says softly, smiling at Tony in the way that makes his heart swoop. “I’ll be ready soon.”_

_“There’s no rush,” Tony assures, voice just as soft—something he’d never really been until James. “Everything is absolutely happening on your terms.”_

_“I know,” James smiles that soft smile that sets Tony’s stomach alight with butterflies. He finds it even more addicting in person. “I trust ya, Tony.”_

_Tony clears his throat, “I—well. That’s, uh, good.”_

_James’ smile turns into a smirk before quickly fading. “You know you don’t have to do so much for me, right? I’d be fine on my own.”_

_“It’s not about what I have to do,” Tony says earnestly because he needs Bucky to understand this. “It’s about what I want to do. I want to help you, I like helping you.”_

_“Well then,” Bucky says softly. “Thank you, Tony.”_

_“Any time, Snowflake.”_

***

Tony hasn’t left the lab since returning from Romania and he knows the only reason he’s gotten away with it is that anyone who’d notice is out of the tower. Clint is visiting Laura and the kids for the next two weeks and Pepper is out in Malibu trying to save one of Tony’s warehouses. Rhodey is somewhere that Tony pretends not to know the location of.

Steve and Natasha are on some top-secret mission helping Maria Hill with something. Tony’s not sure what and he’s not sure that he wants to know. He reminded them he’s available for tech support if they need him. That’s as far as he can go at the moment.

Tony hasn’t spent this much time in the lab since right after he made it home from Afghanistan and he’s starting to feel cooped up. His work is important, he can’t deny that. But if Tony has to stare at data points for another minute then he might actually scream his head off.

“Shut it down, J,” Tony orders before pushing his chair away from the table and spinning to face the rest of the lab. He looks at the crutches leaning against the couch and is tempted to leave them behind but he doesn’t want JARVIS to snitch on him.

“Gladly, sir,” JARVIS says and Tony grins at the cameras.

Tony’s in what he has dubbed “James’ Corner”, where he works on all the projects dedicated to helping one James Barnes and ensuring that the man never has to worry about Hydra again, ensuring that Tony never has to worry about Hydra again.

He’s got an upgrade ready for TADASHI next time he can get his hands on the watch. He’s got the schematics for a new arm if Bucky’s ever ready for it and B.A.R.F. is in stage two of testing. Tony’s planning to bring it to a speech he’s giving at MIT next week.

“Order something from that Thai restaurant Clint and I went to before Sokovia, J,” Tony says as he stretches his arms above his head. “Have it sent to the penthouse.”

“It will be nice to have you back up there, sir.”

“The sass,” Tony grins, glad to still have his baby boy with him. “Always with the sass.”

“You are the one who programmed me, sir.”

“And I can unprogram you, too,” Tony fake threatens, pointing at one of the cameras. “So you best watch it.”

“I am quivering in my metaphorical boots, sir.”

Tony snorts and steps into the elevator, letting JARVIS take him up to the top floor.

Tony showers in the penthouse and then sits down to eat his Pad Thai. He moans into the first bite and then turns on the TV, watching the news reports from Sokovia with a frown. He knows that the media likes to latch on to the things that the superheroes do, likes to rerun battle footage until there’s nothing left but dust. But the amount of attention Sokovia has received is unusual.

Especially considering they won and managed to save most of the citizens. Not all, not enough, but as many as they probably could have; especially considering what they were up against. Who they were up against.

He still has nightmares. Tony knows he will have nightmares for the rest of his life, all stemming from the vision the witch had shown him. He shudders just thinking about it.

They had gotten the scepter back. They managed to save the day, but still, something didn’t feel right and Tony was wary. He watches the same news cycle again and frowns when he sees a red figure fighting against Ultron, someone he doesn’t recognize. He’s not sure how he didn’t notice the man—person—before, even though the clip is only half a second long and they’re not even the main focus.

“Jarvis,” Tony says, using the remote to pause the screen. “Who’s that?”

“Vision,” JARVIS says. “An android created by Ultron, the mind stone, and my coding.”

“And why didn’t I know about him until now?” Tony asks, raising an eyebrow but not looking away from the screen.

“You did not ask.”

“I feel like this falls under Things I Don’t Need To Ask About, J.”

“Vision requested that I only tell you if you asked.”

“Well,” Tony says looking up at the ceiling, a habit he’s sure he picked up from Clint. “Did Vision say if I could meet him? Cause I’m thinking I’d like to meet my sort of android grandson. This is like you having a child without me knowing, J. It’s weird.”

“If it’s any consolation, sir, he did not reach out to me until recently.”

“I guess,” Tony huffs, folding his arms over his chest. “But I still want to meet him.”

“I shall make an inquiry.”

***

Tony doesn’t hear anything about Vision, though he asks every day. Instead, he talks to Clint and his family. They catch up and Tony promises to visit the next time he has a chance. He calls Rhodey and Pepper and they catch up.

Tony pseudo-adopts a young superhero operating out of Queens (not that Spiderman knows this yet). He’s a kid, Tony can tell that right off the bat, not just from the sound clips of Spiderman—Spider-kid—talking, but from the way he moves. There’s very little control and while the kid is strong it doesn’t seem like he knows what to do with his strength.

“Think I can pass off training as an internship to his aunt?” Tony asks JARVIS, looking at his tablet with all the information he could find on Peter Parker. “Cause that kid needs training before he gets himself killed.”

“You could always try, sir.”

“I think I just might,” Tony says with a grin. “Set a reminder for Wednesday at five so I can visit them in person and start the internship paperwork.”

“Sir, I’d like to inform you that Pepper will want to know why you’re suddenly interested in having an intern,” JARVIS tells him, like Tony didn’t already know.

“The kid’s smart,” Tony says lightly. “He’s been through a lot and I want to invest in that.”

“Very well, sir.”

***

Tony walks through his memory, watching it play out for the audience to see. It changes, giving him the chance to say goodbye to his parents that he never took, letting him heal. It’s a personal memory, which is part of why he’s chosen to share it. This was the first memory he’d used to test B.A.R.F.

“That's how I wished it happened. Binarily Augmented Retro-Framing, or B.A.R.F.” Tony says as he turns to the audience. “God, I gotta work on that acronym. An extremely costly method of hijacking the hippocampus to . . . clear traumatic memories. Huh.”

He blows out the candle, lit up on the piano and the memory fades to nothing. He still remembers what happened, how he’d ignored his parents leaving, wishing they’d never come back as Howard’s words of disappointment in his only son fade into the distance.

“It doesn't change the fact that they never made it to the airport…” Tony continues. “Or all the things I did to avoid processing my grief, but…” He takes off the glasses and holds them up for the audience—ever the showman. “Plus, 611 million dollars for my little therapeutic experiment? No one in the right mind would've ever funded it.”

He thinks of James in his apartment in Bucharest doing everything he can to get better, to be better and he knows he’s making the right choice, investing in these brilliant minds. Investing in the future.

“Help me out, what's the MIT mission statement?” The audience repeats after him until they're talking at the same time. "To generate, disseminate, and preserve knowledge. And work with others to bring it to bear on the world's great challenges." Well, you are the others. And, quiet as it's kept, the challenges facing you are the greatest mankind's ever known. Plus, most of you are broke.” Tony pauses for dramatic effect. “Oh, I'm sorry. Rather, you were. As of this moment, every student has been made an equal recipient of the Inaugural September Foundation Grant. As in, all of your projects have just been approved and funded.”

The crowd cheers and Tony has to shout over it to be heard. “No strings, no taxes… just re-frame the future! Starting now.”

He steps off the stage with a smile and barely listens as one of the teachers asks him if the funding is for faculty as well. It's not, but Tony's going to look into something that might help MIT faculty as well.   
  
"Bathroom," Tony says shortly when the man doesn't stop walking with him. He smiles when he gets a stammered apology, though instead of heading to the bathroom he goes to the elevator, needing to get out of there and start working on the second phase of Operation: Bring James Home. 

He sees the woman standing at the elevator and thinks nothing of it until he steps up and notices that the call button is dark.   
  
"Going up?" Tony asks evenly because this is not the first time he's been accosted with no one else around.   
  
"I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be," the woman replies evasively before reaching into her purse.   
  
Tony thinks that is he hadn't been using B.A.R.F. as much as he has to get it ready for James then maybe he would've reacted by activating his wrist gauntlet. Instead, Tony watches patiently as the woman pulls out a picture. He can feel his heart squeeze in his chest because he knows exactly what this means.   
  
"I work for the State Department. Human Resources. I know it's boring," she shows him the picture of her son in a graduation gown. "but it enabled me to raise a son. I'm very proud of what he grew up to be. His name was Charlie Spencer. He was killed. In Sokovia. Not that you would know. You think you fight for us. You just fight for yourself." Tony shakes his head because that's absolutely not true. "Who's going to avenge my son, Stark? He's dead... and I blame you." 

***

“Sir,” JARVIS interrupts, lowering the volume of the music Tony had been listening to while working on a Starkphone upgrade. He's been trying to drown out his thoughts since he got back from MIT. “You have a call from General Ross.”

“Fuck,” Tony says emphatically, setting down the screwdriver and running a dirty hand over his face. “Do you think I could just send him to voicemail, J?”

“I do not believe that would go over well, sir,” JARVIS says with barely concealed disappointment.

“Figured,” Tony grumbles. “Patch him through.”

Tony has a hate/ hate relationship with the General. They never got on and it got even worse after Tony and Bruce became friends. Tony didn’t trust Ross as far as he could throw the man and he knew the feeling was mutual. Ross has his fingers in more pies than Tony can count and none of those pies speak well for people with above-normal abilities. 

“General,” Tony greets cordially, his media smile painted firmly on his face. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Mr. Stark,” Ross nods, knowing how much Tony hates being addressed like that and exploiting it easily. “I have a proposition for you.”

“My hooker days are over, Ross,” Tony snarks because he can’t help it. He’s gotten better at not being nasty but Ross just has a knack for bringing out the sarcasm in him.

“Mr. Stark,” Ross admonishes with a sigh. “This is serious and I’m sure you’ll be grateful for a heads up.”

By the time he hung up Tony felt dread pooling in his gut. He knew this was not going to go over well. None of the Avengers were going to be happy. Quite frankly, Tony wasn’t happy either. He was furious.

The Accords.

A bureaucratic way to gain control of The Avengers, to control supers as though they’re any less deserving of freedom than anyone else. A violation of their most basic human rights.

“Fucking hell.”

“Indeed, sir.”

**  
Tony is about to lose his mind.

He's been alone in his lab going over the accords, highlighting everything that he knows needs to change and talking with his lawyers. Tony doesn't understand why Ross would warn him about this, it seems like it would be better to blindside Tony and the rest of the Avengers but there must be something that Tony's missing from the big picture is Ross thought it was safe to give him a heads up. 

"I need to talk to Clint," Tony says, running a hand down his face. Out of all the Avengers, retired or otherwise, Tony is closest to Clint and he knows that the archer would stand by him if Tony explains the situation right. "J, call Clint for me?" 

"Of course, sir." 

“I am retired barring any end of the world catastrophes,” Clint greets with a shit-eating grin. “Laura would kill me if I left her with three kids while she’s pregnant.”

“Have I told you congratulations for that?” Tony asks with an answering grin, despite the trepidation that he feels. “Because congratulations.”

“You have,” Clint reminds him with a grin. “But thanks all the same.”

They talk for a bit, catching up, but Tony knows that he has to tell Clint about the accords. Now. While they won’t affect the archer like they’ll affect Tony and the rest of the Avengers (and Spider-kid, though Tony hasn’t had the chance to actually meet him yet) he still needs Clint's help in breaking it to the team.

“But you’re retired,” Tony makes sure to add at the end of the explanation. “So it technically doesn’t apply to you anymore. Plus, you’re not technically enhanced so you’d be in a gray area anyways.”

“I still don’t like it,” Clint signs sharply. “This isn’t good.”

“Neither do I, believe me,” Tony echoes. “I do need a favor from you, though.”

“What’s up?”

“I don’t know how to break this to the team without causing a fight. My legal team is already working on amendments and so am I but I don’t see how we’ll be able to avoid the whole thing. There are already 53 countries involved and I’m betting by the end of this there’s gonna be a hell of a lot more.”

“And what do you need from me?”

“Could you be there when I tell them?”

“Of course, just tell me when,” Clint agrees immediately with a grin.

“Tomorrow would be best,” Tony says and Clint nods his agreement. “You’re the best, Clint. Thank you.”

“Any time, man. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Clint says before signing off of the call.

***

_Tony watches as blood spills from Steve's lips. As steve falls to the ground, wide-eyed and breathless, his body grows colder by the second. Tony reaches out but no matter how fast he moves, and he moves at a snail’s pace he can’t move faster no matter how he tries, he can’t reach Steve._

_“Why didn’t you do more?” Steve asks, his voice gurgling with blood._

_The disembodied voices of the team echo the sentiment._

_“Why didn’t you stop me?” James asks blood sliding down his metal arm, eyes shining coldly._

Tony wakes up in a cold sweat. He calls James because he needs to hear the man’s voice, to know that his vision won’t come to pass because James is good. James is so good.

“Tony?”

“Hey,” Tony whispers, his voice rough and tired. “Sorry to bother you.”

“Never a bother,” James replies instantly and Tony relaxes back into his bed as they talk.

***

Tony surveys the team but he doesn’t say anything yet. Clint sits on his right and Tony appreciates the man more than he can ever tell him, even with all the languages Tony has at his disposal.

Steve and Nat sit next to each other, watching Tony carefully. Bruce is out of town and Thor is off-world so there’s only the four of them in the room, Tony wishes Rhodey could be with him but since he still works for the military he can only be there when Ross officially tells them about the Accords.

“I bet you’re wondering why I’ve called you here today,” Tony starts faux seriously but he quickly devolves into true seriousness when Clint clears his throat. “Sorry, this is harder than I thought it would be.”

“What’s going on Tony?” Steve asks, leaning forward as he looks between Tony and Clint.

“Bad news, really,” Tony says and then he just goes for it because he needs to tell them before he explodes. “The UN, led by T’Chaka of Wakanda, is working on a document that calls for the accountability and control of powered individuals, mainly The Avengers.”

The reaction is exactly what Tony expects.

Steve starts shouting, yelling about the injustice of it, while Natasha sits quietly at the table, watching Tony carefully. Tony is pretty sure Natasha knows there’s more to the story but Steve’s single-minded focus, while a blessing on the field, is not helpful when it comes to politics.

“Steve,” Clint says, getting the man’s attention. Steve sees that he’s the only one yelling a flush covers his face as he sits down. “Thank you.”

“Sorry,” Steve apologizes contritely. “Continue.”

“As I was saying,” Tony coughs, nodding his thanks to Clint. “The Sokovia Accords is backed by fifty-eight countries and counting. We can’t go against them, and honestly, we shouldn’t.”

“What’s the plan then?” Natasha asks because she knows that Tony would have come up with a plan the second he knew.

“I’m not sure what Ross’ angle is by telling me, considering his very public view of powered people, but he’s given us an opening to have a say in what the Accords means,” Tony passes two slim tablets to Steve and Nat. “This is what they have now. There’s a document of proposed amendments from Ross and another one with amendments by my lawyers and myself.”

“How long have you known about this?” Steve asks, skimming through the documents.

“Three days,” Tony says with a frown.

“ _Three days_?” Nat repeats, looking over at Tony. “You’ve done all this in three days?”

“They’re meeting in two weeks in Vienna to ratify the Accords. The more we can get done before that the less of a headache we’re going to have.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided not to post yesterday in respect to black creators. I understand that it's a small thing but it's one of many ways I am working to show my support. 
> 
> I may not always have chapters out on Tuesdays in the upcoming weeks as I am sharing resources and advocating for the Black Lives Matter movement. I've not been political on here, AO3 has been an escape from real life for a long time. But I am asking that you do your research into the current state of the world, the demands of the BLM movement, and you do what you can to make sure change happens. 
> 
> If you have any questions about how to get involved you can [message me on Tumblr](https://canadduh.tumblr.com/l) and I can try my best to answer them. 
> 
> Thanks, Ryn.


	10. Civil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sergeant Barnes,” Dashi calls. “Sir suggests that you turn yourself in. He has the rest covered.”
> 
> “Okay,” James agrees easily, pulling to a stop as soon as they reach the edges of the crowded market.

_Blood pours from his hands. James can’t find the source, no matter which way he turns. The ground below him is painted in red and James cries out as he slips in it._

_His body moves sluggishly as he tries to stand and then suddenly he finds himself in a new location. The room is brightly lit, the walls are painted a soft beige, and in the middle of the carpeted floor, there is a wooden chair._

_He doesn’t know this room. He’s never seen this room and yet it’s as familiar to him as the sound of Tony’s voice._

_“Zdravsvtvuyte,” James calls. The voice doesn’t sound like his own. It’s rough and disused and painful._

_Someone should be in the room with him. The fact that it remains empty is unsettling. He turns, and as he turns the room changes again. Now there’s a table in the center of the room. The chair is gone but he can see the four imprints on the green carpet._

_“Zdravsvtvuyte,” James says again, quieter this time. “Why am I here.”_

_“Soldat.”_

_He recognizes that voice. A shiver runs down his spine but another look around his room tells James that he’s alone._

_“Zemo.”_

***

He’s been in Bucharest long enough that he’s starting to feel comfortable in the city. James knows that he owes his comfort to Tony and TADASHI. Without them, he’d still be wallowing in his memories and afraid of the shadows. Instead, James feels almost human some days. While he knows that the memories will never truly go away—he’s had his fair share of nightmares lately to prove that—he’s learned to live with them which is good enough for now.

Still, some days he feels like his chest is being crushed and breathing seems like a distant dream. On those days, James stays inside, he plays with Alpine, the snow-white kitten he’d kept when the other’s had been deemed ready to find a new home. He eats the leftovers he has in the fridge and—if he’s feeling really low—he calls Tony.

James isn’t sure how he feels about the genius. He knows that he and Tony are friends. He can’t deny that after the way Tony flew to see him while injured. They talk but sometimes James still feels so guilty for the way his existence has hurt Tony.

So he doesn’t know how he feels. Only that he likes Tony. A lot.

He’s having one of his good days when things start to spiral out of James’ control. He wakes up with minimal pain which is such a rare occurrence that James should have known something was going to happen.

As he does on the good days, James goes to the market to buy some plums.

He’s saying hi to Misses Bucur when he feels eyes boring into his back. His immediate thought is to panic, but he doesn’t want to draw attention to himself. James turns and spots the man who runs the newsstand in the middle of the market backing away from the stand and panic floods his veins.

The newspaper has a picture of him.

James grabs it and a moment later he takes off at a sprint through the market, determined to get home before anything happens. He needs to get out of here. But more than that he needs to make sure Alpine and Pisică are going to be okay when he does leave.

He climbs through his window and is met by the nervous yowls of Alpine, sitting on the table and staring at him like he knows James is going to be leaving. He takes a moment to breathe and pet the cat before scooping him up and putting him in a cupboard where he’d hopefully be safe.

Where Tony would hopefully find him.

“Sorry, Pisică,” James murmurs to the other cat, who joins Alpine without issue. “I’ll keep you safe. Dashi, tell Stark I’m in a bit of a situation right now and might need some help soon.”

He doesn’t have time—James can hear a single set of footsteps on the stairs leading to his floor. He curses and grabs his bag from beneath the floorboards. He pulls a gun from the bag and barely has time to insert the clip before he’s hiding in the closet, waiting for the intruder to enter.

The man who steps into his home is both not who James expected but exactly who he should have figured it would be. He and Tony had avoided the subject, carefully navigating around vague mentions of the other super soldier, but James had looked into him. He knew that Steve was responsible for dismantling SHIELD and with them parts of Hydra. He knew that he and Steve had been friends in their past. But James didn’t know who this Steve was. His memories were foggy and James was trying to move on, not become stuck in the past.

“You’re Steve,” James says, stepping out of the closet, gun still clenched in his flesh hand. The words feel stale in his mouth and James swallows carefully. He deliberately speaks in English, thinking that it will make Steve more comfortable. “I’ve read about you.”

Steve is not here alone, Bucky can hear what his partner is saying in Steve’s earpiece and he knows they’re running out of time.

“I know you’re nervous,” Steve says, hand raised like James is an animal ready to attack. Maybe that’s what he looks like to Steve, but James is well aware of what’s waiting for him if he’s captured. “And you have every reason to be. But—”

“We’re out of time,” James interrupts just as Dashi beeps a warning and there’s the loud clang of a battering ram hitting the door. “We can discuss this later.”

“On your left, Sergeant,” Dashi calls and James lifts his metal arm just in time to block a bullet through the window. He twists and fires out the window, not actually caring if he hits his target. “You need to get to the street. Sir has an idea.”

“Let’s go,” James orders and he fights his way through the men without waiting for Steve. He doesn’t want the soldiers in the apartment. Not when Alpine and Pisică are there.

“Sargeant,” TADASHI calls when James reaches the ground floor after jumping over the railing. Fallen soldiers litter the ground behind him. “Sir would like to know your plan.”

“Who’s that?” Steve asks as he lands next to James. “Never mind, Buck, we need to leave.”

“I’m not Bucky,” James says with a sudden flare of anger. He’s pretty sure he’s not angry at Steve but the man is pushing buttons James didn’t even know he had.

“Sergeant Barnes, Sir is requesting you contact him at your earliest convenience.”

“Tell him I’d like extraction and that I’ve got company,” James relays, his nerves on edge and the taste of metal in his mouth. “I’ll call when we’re secure.”

They hit the ground at a sprint, breaking through the doors and leaving splintered wood behind him. Steve's partner joins them, flying right above until he can safely land and start running with him. 

“This way,” James orders, turning to the left immediately and running for the market. It’s much easier to lose people in a crowd and James knows Tony will have eyes on him there. “Tony should have a car here soon.”

“Wait?” Steve calls, slowing a bit. When James glances back Steve looks stricken. “Tony?”

“Now isn’t exactly the time, Steve,” James urges, pulling the man with him. “We’re kinda being chased right now.”

“Yeah,” Steve agrees slowly, shaking his head and running on his own. “You’re right.”

“Of course I’m right.”

“Sergeant Barnes,” Dashi calls. “Sir suggests that you turn yourself in. He has the rest covered.”

“Okay,” James agrees easily, pulling to a stop as soon as they reach the edges of the crowded market.

Steve pulls to a stop right beside James, his eyes wide. “Bucky?”

James shrugs, raising his hands in the air as interpol approaches them. “I trust Tony.”

***

James glances down at the metal around his wrists, trapping him in the cold, hard chair. He knows he could break the metal easily, but that would ruin any plan Tony has. Which he absolutely doesn’t want to do—especially since Tony is most likely dealing with Steve right now.

Steve who is most definitely not happy with James turning himself in despite his, TADASHI’s, and Tony’s repeated reassurances that everything is going to be fine.

James smiles when Tony walks into the room, a briefcase in hand, and his sunglasses firmly in place.

“Did you get the cats?” James asks in English, for the benefit of the people he knows are listening to them. “You know Alpine gets lonely.”

“The cats are secure,” Tony replies easily, a barely concealed smirk on his lips. “I even checked in on the others and they’re doing great.”

“Do they have names yet?” Bucky wonders. The last time he’d been able to check in on the kittens they’d not been named. Bucky was lucky to have a friend like Tony—because even though the other kittens had been adopted he still got to keep in touch with them.

“Felix, Suzi, Maia, Tigru and L'venok,” Tony lists, counting the names out on his fingers.

“Good,” Bucky smiles. Strong names for strong kittens.

“Now, I’m here for a couple reasons,” Tony says, completely ignoring the chair and sitting down on the table in front of Bucky’s cage. “The first one being that someone tried to have the psychiatrist who was supposed to do your evaluation murdered. The second one is that I think I know why and I know how to stop him.”

“How?”

“From the very vague notes I managed to salvage from the wreck that was Shydra, I found out some of how they control you,” Tony says.

“The trigger words,” James acknowledges, his hands clenching into fists. “Were they after the trigger words?”

Tony smiles apologetically and Bucky feels his heart sink into his stomach. “Unfortunately I believe he already has them.” Tony continues before James can say anything. “But that is no matter since I have my people tracking him down.”

“Your people?”

“The Avengers.”

***

“You’re coming with me?” James asks Tony incredulously. They’re standing on the tarmac, getting ready to board a plane and head to Wakanda where James will work with scientists to deprogram the trigger words. It’s not until he sees Tony’s suitcase that he realizes the genius is joining him.

“Of course,” Tony replies, although he appears oddly apprehensive as he regards James. “Unless you don’t want me to…”

“Yes,” James replies instantly. There’s no other answer to that question. “I want you to come with me.”

“Well that’s good then,” Tony grins. James is captivated by the sight of him, “cause I’m already packed.”

***  
James has been on hundreds of planes, hundreds of times in his admittedly longer than average life. They’ve become a mundane part of his existence. Being on a plane with Tony, however, is extraordinary. Tony has a way of telling stories that James is captivated by. The man threads humor through the words that has James grinning like a loon and he finds that he doesn’t care.

“Is there something on my face?” Tony asks suddenly, running a hand over his beard. “I thought I got all the sauce off but I guess not. I—”

“There’s nothing on your face,” James assures, his voice light. “I just like watching you talk.”

“Oh,” Tony says, looking down at his hands. James can still see the blush on his cheeks. “That’s… That’s new.”

“Really?” James asks. He’d have thought that people enjoyed listening to Tony. The man was charismatic and vibrant and James was drawn to him like a moth to flame.

“Yeah,” Tony hedges.

James isn’t sure what to say for a moment but when the uncharacteristic silence stretches to be almost uncomfortable he knows he has to say something. The words fail him though, as they often do at times like this, so instead, James reaches out a hand and grabs one of Tony’s.

Tony looks at him in painfully obvious surprise as James brings Tony’s hands to his lips and presses a very brief kiss there.

“You are…” James starts but he doesn’t know that he can bring justice to the thoughts whirring in his brain. He has to try though. Tony deserves for him to try. “You are the best thing to happen to me.”

Tony’s eyes widen even further. Instead of pulling away like James assumed he would, Tony turns his hand over and grasps James’ hand tightly.

James loves the feeling of Tony’s hand—warm and calloused and smaller than his own. Their hands rest on the seat between them and neither man lets go until the plane starts to descend and they have to reattach their seatbelts.

Even so, they let go with reluctance and it’s not for very long. James can see the way Tony hesitates once they’re ready for landing. His hand reaches out to grab James’ again but then settles back into his lap.

“I liked that,” James says softly, leaning into Tony’s heat as much as the seats allow him. “Please don’t think I didn’t like that.”

“Good,” Tony responds after a moment. His face lights up in a shy smile that James really wants to kiss away—but he won’t because now is definitely not the time for that. “I liked it, too.”


	11. Wakanda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Princess Shuri,” Tony greets with a grin when they make it to the Royal Lab. “It’s lovely to meet you in person.”
> 
> “Tony,” Shuri greets with a grin. She ignores his outstretched hand and steps up to James, grabbing the man’s metal arm and looking at it closely. “Mr. Barnes, no offense to you, but this tech is an offense to my sensibilities.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I just want to say a quick thank you for all the kudos and comments this fic has received! I love reading the comments and I'm so glad so many of y'all are enjoying reading this as much as I'm enjoying writing this. Thank you!

“Anthony Edward Stark,” Steve yells as he marches into the fishbowl meeting room in the middle of the command center.

“Steven Grant Rogers,” Tony replies glibly, raising an eyebrow at the man. He’s sitting with his feet propped up on the table and his hands behind his head.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Steve demands, his arms crossed and all six feet and one inch of him radiating Patriotic Wrath TM .

“He wasn’t ready for you to know,” Tony says mildly. “And it wasn’t my place to say, Steve.”

Steve nods once and then sits in a chair still coiled tight, ready to spring at the first sign of confrontation. Tony feels bad for Steve, he really does. Tony doesn’t even want to imagine what he would be feeling if their positions were reversed. He shudders just considering it.

“I cannot believe you went in on your own to get him,” Tony says after a moment, amused despite the amount of work he now had to do to cover Steve’s ass. “Seriously, what were you thinking? We literally just signed the accords!”

“I know, Tony, Nat already read me the riot act,” Steve says, looking up at Tony with dangerously vacant eyes.

“Nuh-uh,” Tony says with a frown, pushing out of the chair so he can stand in front of Steve. He places his hands firmly on Steve’s shoulders. “You absolutely do not get to do this, Steve. There is no shutting down. I know this is a lot to process. I know you’re hurting—”

“Do you?” Steve asks slowly. Tony can see the anger building in his eyes and he’d accept that over the terrifying vacant look any day. “Do you really Tony? Because from where I am this looks a lot like revenge.”

“Revenge?” Tony asks, taking a step back to give Steve—and himself—the space they need.

“For not telling you immediately.”

“Oh,” Tony says slowly, understanding and horror dawning on him. “Fucking hell, Rogers. No, this is not fucking revenge. I thought we were over that! This is me trying to do right by James. He asked me not to tell you and I agreed because that’s what he needed, there was no other reason.”

For a moment, Tony worries that Steve doesn’t believe him. Then the man nods and the anger seems to seep out of him, leaving Steve looking exhausted.

“Do they really have to keep him like that?” Steve asks, pointing at the monitor showing James in a reinforced glass cage.

“Oh, the feed’s up. Thanks, J!” Tony says, grinning at the screen. He absolutely doesn’t agree with caging James like an animal but Tony’s still working on convincing the UN that it wasn’t James who blew up the embassy in Vienna. “I’m working on that Steve. Well, by that I mean JARVIS is working on it. I’m working on something else.”

Tony is working on convincing T’Challa that his anger is misplaced. He understands wanting revenge for the death of a father, but he knows that T’Challa would regret it if he went after James like he’d been planning to in Bucharest until James turned himself in.  
“Sir,” JARVIS says urgently, drawing Tony’s attention from his phone to his watch—very similar to the watch James would be wearing if interpol hadn’t confiscated it—

“Yeah, J?”

“It appears that Theo Broussard is missing.”

“Shit,” Tony curses. “Have you had his room checked?”

“Doing so now,” JARVIS assures.

“Fucking shit,” Tony takes a moment to let the panic run through his system before pushing it back and away.

“Who is Theo Broussard?” Steve asks, watching Tony warily.

“The doc who was supposed to evaluate James,” Tony tells him quickly.

“He’s dead, sir,” JARVIS tells him. “He was found in the room of Herr Müller, otherwise known as Helmut Zemo.”

“That’s the guy, right?” Tony demands, pulling out his phone.

“Yes. I believe he has the journal already,” JARVIS confirms.

“Alright,” Tony says, nodding decisively before turning to Steve. “You wanna go kick some ass, Captain?”

“Will you be joining us, Iron Man?” Steve asks like he already knows the answer.

Tony shakes his head anyways. “You’re the man with the plan, Steve-O. I’m the man who can make sure James gets what he needs.”

“Go now,” Tony says. “I’ll make sure it’s authorized.”

“Alright,” Steve says and then he’s gone, stalking through the command room and Tony is left alone to make phone calls and get his head on straight.

***

“Mr. Stark,” T’Challa greets regally when Tony and James step off the plane in Wakanda. “Sergeant Barnes.”

“I’ve told you, Tony is fine,” Tony says, shaking T’Challa’s hand even though he knows it’s not the Wakandan custom. “James, this is T’Challa, king of Wakanda.”

“King?” James asks with wide eyes.

“Yes,” Tony says, grinning at the man. “Princess Shuri and I have been working on the tech for you.”

“I don’t,” James starts, looking panicked. “I don’t know if I can—”

“Shit,” Tony curses when James runs back onto the plane. “I’ll be back, your highness.”

Tony doesn’t wait for the man’s nod before he’s running after James. Tony hisses sympathetically when he finds him curled up behind a row of seats at the back of the plane.

“James?” Tony asks hesitantly. “Can I sit next to you?”

James nods so Tony sits by him, leaning back against the wall. He reaches out a hand and lets out a sigh when James grabs onto it with his metal hand. They sit there for a moment, James getting control of his breathing and Tony thinking about what to say so that he does not make it worse.

“I should have told you before we got here,” Tony says apologetically. James looks over at him with red-rimmed eyes that almost send Tony into a panic of his own. “It wasn’t cool of me to surprise you with this. I thought it would be fine, maybe a little funny, but clearly I was wrong.”

“It’s okay,” James says quietly, squeezing Tony’s hand gently.

“It’s not,” Tony says, scrunching up his nose. “It was dumb.”

“Maybe a little,” James responds with a small smile. “Sorry for overreacting.”

“Not overreacting, bud,” Tony says, smiling back. “Just reacting. Overreacting would have been running into the plane and flying away with it.”

James hums, tilting his head to the side. “Maybe I should have done that.”

“Nope,” Tony grins. “I would’ve stopped you.”

“Are you sure I’m worth all this?” James asks.

“One-hundred percent,” Tony replies seriously. “Shuri hasn’t met you yet but she’s been working with me for a couple of weeks now. It took some convincing with T’Challa, especially after the whole Embassy thing, but he’s onboard as well.”

“Okay,” James says after a moment. “I think I can do this.”

“If you ever can’t,” Tony says seriously. “If it’s ever too much, you let me know and we can talk about it.”

“Okay,” James agrees.

“Alright then,” Tony grins. He stands up with a grunt and pulls James up with the hand still gripping his. “Let’s do this then.”

***

“Princess Shuri,” Tony greets with a grin when they make it to the Royal Lab. “It’s lovely to meet you in person.”

“Tony,” Shuri greets with a grin. She ignores his outstretched hand and steps up to James, grabbing the man’s metal arm and looking at it closely. “Mr. Barnes, no offense to you, but this tech is an offense to my sensibilities.”

“Oh,” James says, a blush forming on his cheeks and hurt in his eyes. “I… sorry.”

“No no no,” Shuri says, alarmed as he looks up at Bucky. “I really do not mean offense. This arm is designed to hurt.”

“James?” Tony says, bewildered. If James’ arm has been hurting him then Tony would’ve done something about it already.

“Only sometimes,” James says softly, deliberately looking at the ground.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Tony asks, reaching out to grab James’ hand but unsure if the contact would be welcome right now.

“Didn’t want to be a bother,” James shrugs.

Tony has the sudden urge to go out and destroy the rest of HYDRA, tearing them limb from evil limb, for making James feel like he has to hide being in pain. For making James feel like he could ever bother him.

“Never a bother,” Tony says gruffly, trying to bite back his emotion. James needs him to be strong if they’re going to get through all they need to do in Wakanda.

***

Shuri points to a hologram with a smirk. “This will be your new arm.”

James looks at the hologram, speechless, and Tony finds himself watching the other man. Tony would be the first to admit that he’s not straight. He’s always found men and women attractive, but there’s something about James that he finds captivating.

“You designed this for me?” James asks, his eyes wide as he looks between Tony and Shuri. “Really?”

“Yup,” Tony says, rocking back on his heels with his hands in his pocket. “Though it was mostly Shuri.

“It’s beautiful,” James breathes, staring at the display. “I can’t believe it’s going to be mine.”

Tony grins, watching James maneuver the display with ease. He ducks his head when he catches Shuri watching him with a knowing smile.

“It will be a lengthy process,” Shuri warns. James turns to face her, eyes wide with excitement at the prospect of a new arm. “First we must remove that atrocity and then give you time to heal.”

“How long will that take?” James asks, looking between Tony and Shuri.

“About two weeks, all told,” Tony says. “But we’re not exactly sure because your serum seems to affect your body differently than Steve’s does his.”

“Though I have a theory that it has to do with your shoulder,” Shuri adds.

“My shoulder?” James questions with a frown.

“Look here,” Shuri says, pulling up another display of James’ current arm. “Your arm is designed to dig into your shoulder in three different spots. I think your serum has been working overtime for seventy years to compensate for that.”

“So if you take off the arm?”

“And remove the shoulder-y bits,” Tony adds. “Then yes, you should start noticing changes such as improved… well… everything.”

“But that is the easy part,” Shuri cautions.

“What’s the hard part?”

“B.A.R.F,” Tony replies before thinking better of it.

“Excuse me?” James turns to look at him, tilting his head like a puppy which Tony does not find adorable.

“Binarily Augmented Retro Framing,” Tony quickly corrects. “I really need to work on the name.”

“What’s B.A.R.F?” James asks, clearly trying not to laugh.

“It’s this thing I created to help with memories and….” Tony pauses, not sure how to explain himself without sounding like a self-help book.

“What Mr. White Boy is trying to say, is that it’s a system he created that will reframe your memories to help with PTSD and remove any trigger words HYDRA implanted,” Shuri tells him, taking over from Tony’s lackluster explanation.

“That’s amazing,” James says, his voice thick with awe. He turns to Tony with a grin. “Thank you.”

“It’s nothing,” Tony says, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. “‘S not like I didn’t benefit from it either.”

“Still,” James says, grabbing Tony’s hand and squeezing it firmly. “Thank you.”

***

“Happy?” Tony asks when the call connects. “What’s up?”

Happy looks furtively around him himself, before glancing back at his phone. “Okay, so you know that kid you had me watching? Spider-kid?”

“Yes,” Tony says, trepidation filling his chest. “Is he okay?”

“He’s fine, a little bruised, but uh… he just stopped a terrorist from hijacking your plane and stealing all your things heading to the compound.”

“What the actual hell?” Tony snaps. “He’s in high school! Why is he fighting terrorists on planes?”

Tony listens as Happy explains what happened to the kid. How he’d stop an elevator full of his classmates from tumbling down the Washington Monument. How he’d held a ferry together with the webs he’d designed. How he’d tried to tell Happy but Happy hadn’t listened.

How Tony hadn’t been there for him. Even though Peter didn’t know Tony knew.

“Shit,” Tony curses, closing his eyes to get some control over his emotions. “Okay, I need to talk to Shuri and James but I’m coming back. I need to talk to the kid in person.”

“Okay, boss.”

***

Tony did not like leaving James in Wakanda. Sure, the man could take care of himself and didn’t need Tony hovering. But still, he wanted to be there. But Tony is a man with responsibilities and sometimes those responsibilities mean choosing where he _needs_ to be instead of where he _wants_ to be.

The flight itself doesn’t take long, only a few hours, but Tony is antsy the entire time. He wants to make sure the Parker kid is okay and thank him for taking out the bad guys. He also wants to apologize for not stepping in sooner and make sure the kid is taken care of.

The drive to Queens feels like it takes longer than the whole flight. Tony drums his fingers on his thigh as he waits for the car to pull up outside an old apartment building. He has to fight off the urge to get Pepper to buy the building so that he can remodel it. Tony’s learned that people don’t like it when he does things like that.

“Thanks, Hap,” Tony says. He exits the car and punches in the number for the apartment he knows belongs to May Parks.

"Hello?"

“Hello. My name is Tony Stark, I’m here to see Peter Parker,” Tony hesitates before adding. "It's about an internship with Stark Industries." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, shameless plug, but I wrote a [ Stuckony Soulmate fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24699793/chapters/59696059) which you should check out if that's your kinda thing :D


	12. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Well then, James,” T’Challa grins, “would you like to see the goats?”
> 
> “The goats?”
> 
> “The goats.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is late, y'all! I moved this weekend and I may or may not have hurt my back in the process. (and then again today whoops).

James has his own room in the palace in Wakanda. He doesn’t remember much from before the fall but he’s pretty sure he’s never had his own room before.

The room is bigger than his apartment in Bucharest had been. It feels clean and organized and for a moment he wants to trash it. To utterly destroy the room just so that he can feel like he belongs there.

“Dashi?” James says, relying on the watch to be his continued impulse control. “What time is it?”

“It is 3:45 in the afternoon, Sergeant Barnes. Princess Shuri says she won’t need you again until the morning and that you are free to explore.”

Everyone he’d met so far had been kind, even after Tony had left to take care of something back in the states. (James could admit to himself that he missed the man). James still felt weird wandering the halls unaccompanied like someone would stop him and he’d be thrown in prison for being out of his rooms.

But no one stopped him and James enjoyed a quiet walk through the grounds. When he reached a garden, James sat on one of the benches and took the time to just breathe.

The last twenty-four hours had been jarring and while James trusted Tony, he still wasn’t entirely sure he deserved the treatment he was getting. For the crimes James had committed—even if he wasn’t in control—he should be locked up, not given a room to himself in a place as grandiose as this one.

“Sergeant Barnes,” a somewhat familiar voice says from behind him. James spins around, reaching for a gun he’s not carrying and is met with the sight of an apologetic King T’Challa. “Apologies, I did not intend to startle you.”

“It’s okay,” James replies reflexively. He winces and adds uncertainly, “your highness?”

“T’Challa is fine, Sergeant Barnes,” T’Challa says with a wry grin.

“James,” he says quietly. “My name is James.”

“Well then, James,” T’Challa grins, “would you like to see the goats?”

“The goats?”

“The goats.”

***  
The week without Tony passes in a blur of appointments with Shuri and trips to see the goats. After the first time out to the lake, James goes to visit alone every day. He enjoys the silence of the walk and the peace he finds there.

He’s lounging in the sun on the sixth evening when a shadow falls over him. James sits up, startled, and sees a wide-eyed Tony holding two cats.

“You got them?” James asks, easily slipping into Romanian now that Tony is back. “You don’t even like cats?”

“But you do,” Tony says with a shrug and before James even thinks about it he’s pulling Tony into his arms and holding on tight.

Tony’s arms wrap around James’ waist and a warm hand runs up and down his spine soothingly as James shakes in the genius’ arms. James can’t even find it in himself to be embarrassed. He’s overwhelmed with emotions and the only thing keeping him on his feet is Tony.

“Hey now, moy golub'” Tony soothes. “You’re alright. Everything’s gonna be just fine.”

James nods into Tony’s shoulder and after another moment he pulls out of the embrace, shifting awkwardly on his feet as Pisică and Alpine twine around him.

“What did I do to deserve you?” James asks breathlessly, too afraid to look Tony in the eyes but also not wanting to look away as he gaze settles on Tony’s lips. “Mogu li ya potselovat' tebya?”

“Da,” Tony doesn’t hesitate to respond in Russian so James quickly wraps his arms around the man’s waist and tugging him back in.

James hasn’t kissed anyone since the 40s but he’s pretty sure none of those kisses can compare to the way Tony’s lips feel against his own. Tony’s lips are warm and slightly chapped as they move eagerly against James’. He can feel the need to breathe grow so he nips against Tony’s bottom lip before pulling away just far enough to rest his forehead against the man’s with his eyes closed.

“Been wanting to do that for a long time, sugar,” James confesses as he tries to catch his breath, the nickname slips out before he can stop it. 

“Would you be opposed to doing that again?” Tony asks and James can hear the smile in his voice.

“Not at all.”

***  
They walk back to the Palace holding hands. James can't help but grin, loving the feel of Tony’s hand in his.

“Can I ask something?” Tony says, pulling to a stop before they reach the gates. He looks uncharacteristically nervous as James nods. “Is this like a… are we a… a thing?”

“A thing?”

“A relationship!” Tony yells suddenly. He starts pacing, his hands running through his hair manically. “Are we in a relationship? Because I have feelings for you and I cannot do casual… I just... Can’t.”

“You have feelings for me?” James asks, his own eyes wide. Why would Tony Stark, a certifiable genius and the most attractive mane James has met, have feelings for him?

“Yes?” Tony says, turning the word into a question as he pulls to a stop in front of James. “Was that not obvious?”

“Maybe?” James hedges, trying to pinpoint if it was obvious or if James was just oblivious. “I don’t know?”

Tony grabs his hands again, threading their fingers together as he looks James dead in the eyes.

“James,” Tony says. The way Tony says his name has his stomach filling with butterflies. “Will you do me the honor of being my boyfriend?”

***

“Why are you holding hands?” An overly peppy voice asks when James and Tony step into Shuri’s lab. “Holy shit! Are you two dating? Mr. Stark that’s—”

“Kid,” Tony interrupts with a laugh. He smiles warmly at James before turning back to the unfamiliar teen. “Relax. Yes, we’re dating—”

“That’s so—”

“But!” Tony says loudly, holding a finger to the kid's lips. Tony glares at the kid then glances at Shuri. “You cannot tell anyone. James and I literally just started dating and I’d like to have time to figure out what the means for us before the world finds out.”

“Of course, Mr. Stark!” The kid agrees, nodding vigorously. “It’s just so cool to see a superhero in a relationship with a man! Makes me feel less… weird?”

“It is pretty cool, White Boy,” Shuri says, grinning from behind a holographic display of Bucky’s arm. “Peter here helped me figure out the problem with the joint so we should be good to go for tomorrow's surgery.”

James glances at Tony who looks just as nervous as James feels.

“Why don’t the three of you go get some rest,” Shuri suggests after a moment. “I’ve got some more calibrations to do and I know Mr. Stank and Spidey- Boy haven’t slept yet.”

"Mr. Stank?" Tony gasps, clearly horrified by the nickname.

"Spidey-Boy?" Peter sputters. "I don't—I'm Not???"

"Go to bed, white boys," Shuri laughs. "I'll see you in the morning."

“Mr. Stark?” Peter asks, bouncing next to Tony as the man leads them towards their rooms. “Did you tell her I was Spiderman?”

“No,” Tony replies with a grin. “She’s just that good.”

***

James wakes up from the surgery feeling off-balance and heavy as he stares up at the bright lights of his recovery room. He blinks heavily and looks to the side, finding Tony asleep in a chair beside his bed.

James watches Tony as the man’s chest rises and falls. The soothing sound of his quiet breaths lulls James into a relaxed. It’s only when he tries to reach out with his left hand and nothing happens that he realizes why he feels unbalanced.

His arm is gone.

James can feel his heart rate elevate as he sits up on the bed, nearly toppling to the side. He knew he’d wake up with no arm, it shouldn’t be an issue, but he can feel the phantom pain of HYDRA digging into his shoulder as long-forgotten memories flash before his eyes.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Tony’s familiar voice urges. James latches onto it and uses the gentle pressure of Tony’s hand on his shoulder to ground himself in the present. “James, you’re okay.”  
“My arm,” James breathes weakly, trying to explain why he’s panicking. “Gone.”

He looks up into warm brown eyes and breathes with Tony as the panic fades into the background, replaced by a numbness that almost scares him.

“You’re okay, sweetheart,” Tony assures, looking James in the eyes. “Shuri is attaching a new arm as soon as you’re healed. Everything’s gonna be fine.”

***

Peter reminds James of a puppy dog. Watching the kid play with Alpine and Piscia becomes one of his favorite things as he waits for his arm to heal.

“Mr. James,” Peter says, looking at the super-soldier with a smile. “How’s your arm?”

“It’s fine,” James responds gruffly. He’s getting tired of people—however well-intentioned—asking him about it.

“I’m glad.”

But it’s very difficult to stay upset with Peter. The kid wears his heart on his sleeve, just like Tony, and it’s easy to see how much he cares.

“Do you think Mr. Stark hates me?” Peter asks a short time later, looking down at the floor. The abrupt change in mood startles James.

“No?” James says carefully, swinging his legs over the bed so he can look at Peter properly. “What makes you think that?”

“It’s just,” Peter sighs. “When we spoke in the US it was clear that he didn’t want to be there. And I haven’t really seen him since we got here. He, uh, said he’d help me with my training but… that clearly hasn’t happened.”

“I think,” James starts, swallowing thickly, “that Tony doesn’t know how to treat you, Peter. He cares, he has such a large heart, but he takes a while to figure out how to act around people, and from what I know of him you’re an anomaly.”

“An anomaly?”

“Someone he’s responsible for who doesn’t entirely rely on him.”

“What do you mean?” Peter asks, moving from the floor to the chair by James’ bed.

  
“He’s trying not to overstep,” James explains haltingly. “I mean… you’re clearly a smart kid. You’ve been fighting as Spiderman on your own and Tony wants to help you but he probably doesn’t know how to do that.”

“Like with sending Happy to help?” Peter says with a frown. “It probably would have gone better if Happy liked me.”

James shrugs, not sure what to say to that. He’d heard about Happy but didn’t know the man. The only person James really knows is Tony and even then he hasn’t known the man for a long time.

“Don’t worry, kid,” Tony says, walking into the room with a tablet in his hands. “I’ve had words with Happy and he’ll be sure to take you seriously in the future.”

Tony looks up from the tablet when he reaches the bed and absentmindedly places a kiss on James’ forehead before sitting on the edge. He holds the tablet out to Peter, who takes it hesitantly.

“Is this?”

“The designs for a new spider-suit?” Tony says with a smirk. “Yup.”

“No way! This is awesome!” Peter shouts, jumping up from his chair and pumping a fist in the air before glancing between Tony and James sheepishly. “I mean… Thank you Mr. Stark.”

“We’ll finale the designs when we get back to the states,” Tony explains, casually placing a hand on James’ thigh and squeezing it gently. “Right now I want to focus on helping James.”

“Of course Mr. Stark!”

***

“Are you nervous?” Tony asks, frowning at the glasses he’s fiddling with. “Cause I’m kinda nervous.”

“Tony, I’ll be fine,” James assures with a sigh. “You’re fretting is not making this easier.”

“Sorry,” Tony apologizes sheepishly.

They’re alone in the lab, Peter and Shuri having left to run some tests on Peter’s abilities outside Shuri had attached his new arm the day before and James is finally starting with B.A.R.F.

“Now, this is gonna be a long process,” Tony explains, handing James the glasses. James grabs them, taking a moment to marvel at the feeling of the technology in his left hand. “We’ll get started here but I don’t think we’re going to finish it before it’s time for us to head to the states.”

“Okay,” James says, looking from the glasses to his _boyfriend_ —he still can’t believe that he’s actually dating Tony. “And you’ll be here?”

“As long as you want me to be,” Tony agrees easily. James wonders if Tony would be okay with forever. “Okay, whenever you’re ready put those on and we’ll get started.”

“I’m ready,” James says after a moment. He takes a deep and slides the glasses on. Tony makes a wounded sound and James’ eyes snap to him in concern.

“Sorry,” Tony apologizes, blushing. “You’re just really hot in glasses. I was not prepared. I did not know that was a thing I had.”

James feels his cheeks heating up and he looks down for a moment before a voice suddenly sounds from the glasses.

“Good afternoon, Sergeant Barnes. I am FRIDAY. I’ll be guiding you through the B.A.R.F. process.”

“Oh,” James says. “Hello, Miss FRIDAY.”

“Shall we get started?”

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Russian translation.   
> moy golub- My Dove  
> Mogu li ya potselovat' tebya- may I kiss you  
> Da- yes


	13. Goats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “When did you get to be so smart?” Steve asks with a chuckle.
> 
> “Hello?” Tony gestures to himself, scandalized. “Genius? I’ve always been this smart. You just weren’t listening.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late again, whoops! 
> 
> I'm going to be off my posting schedule for the last five chapters, my friends. Lots going on. I should still be able to post once a week though (but I make no firm promises on that front). 
> 
> Thank you so much for all your comments, kudos, and bookmarks. I love them all so much (even if i haven't been able to respond for the last couple chapters).

Tony sits on a comfy chair in his room looking at a tablet while the warm evening breeze blows through the open doors—which lead to the garden he now shares with James and Peter. He frowns as he peruses his emails, clicking through them at a rapid speed. 

Now was not the best time for Tony to be away from the company or the Accords, but he also had to be here to work with James. Their first session with B.A.R.F. had gone well, much better than Tony had expected, but there were adjustments that he needed to make for it to continue to help the soldier. 

“Tony, you’re gonna wanna see this!” Peter shouts, barging in through Tony’s front door and startling the man into dropping his tablet. 

“Peter,” Tony scolds, willing his racing heart to calm as he turns to glare at the teen. 

“Whoops, sorry Mr. Stark,” Peter apologizes quickly before shoving the tablet Tony had given him on their flight in his face. 

“What’s this?” Tony asks, taking the tablet before reading through the Daily Bugle article. “Oh.” 

Tony Stark: Iron Man and Majority Shareholder of Stark Industries seen boarding a plane with teenaged Peter Parker of Midtown high. 

“I’m gonna sue them,” Tony hisses dropping the tablet on the side table and picking up his phone. “Thank you for showing me that, Pete. I need to make a couple phone calls now.” 

“O-Okay,” Peter stammers. “Did I…” 

“Did you what?” Tony asks gently, lowering his phone so he can look at Peter. The kid shuffles nervously on his feet. “Peter, what’s up?” 

“Did I do something wrong?” Peter blurts, his face flushing red as his hands cover his mouth. 

“NO!” Tony shouts. “Absolutely not. The Daily Bugle is a tabloid. What they’re implying is disgusting and Pepper and I will set them straight. You have absolutely nothing to worry about.” 

“Okay,” Peter sighs. “Can I stay here while you make your phone calls? I promise I’ll be quiet.” 

“Okay,” Tony agrees with a smile. He playfully ruffles Peter’s hair, laughing when the teen knocks his hand away with a huff.

Peter grabs his tablet and sits on the couch opposite Tony and flips through twitter, periodically replying to messages from his friends and his aunt. Tony watches him as he makes his phone call to Pepper and his PR team. He wants to end the Daily Bugle for taking and publishing pictures of a minor without permission. 

“Tony?” James’ familiar—albeit nervous—voice comes from the garden door. 

“Hey terminator,” Tony greets, looking up to see James standing with Alpine perched on his shoulders and Pisică twining around his feet. “Come on in. I’m just working on ending a few tabloids.” 

“Oh…” James breathes. “Okay?” 

“They were saying nasty things about Mr. Stark,” Peter adds innocently. “And they also published pictures of me, and I’m a minor… So…” Peter shrugs before looking back at his tablet. 

“Okay,” James says, still looking just as confused. 

“I’ll explain later,” Tony promises, gesturing to the chair on his left for James to sit down. 

He sits down and holds out his hand for Tony to take, smiling softly when Tony reaches out like James’ is going to take his hand away and yell ‘sike!’. Tony likes the feeling of James’ hand in his own. It’s warm and heavy and he thoroughly enjoys being able to squeeze it at random intervals and have James squeeze back. 

“I have one more phone call to make then we can see about dinner.” 

*** 

It’s been nearly a week straight of B.A.R.F. sessions and Tony can see that James is getting frustrated by his lack of progress. Tony has been doing his best to reassure the man but the sudden plateau of progress is hard to work past. 

“I hate this,” James growls suddenly, throwing the glasses on the ground in an uncharacteristic show of frustration. 

“What’s wrong?” Tony asks, turning to face his boyfriend with a raised eyebrow. 

“I’m not making progress,” James frowns, not looking at Tony. He crosses his arms petulantly, for all the world looking like a child throwing a tantrum. But just like with kids, James’ feelings of frustration are entirely valid. 

Tony nods and picks up the glasses, pocketing them instead of handing them back. They’re done for the day and Tony’s going to need the glasses to fiddle with later. 

“Why don’t we go visit your goats?” Tony suggests, closing out of the data. And shutting down the lab. He misses having JARVIS to do that work for him. Though the portable version in his watch is nice. “I think we’ve spent too many consecutive days in the lab. We can invite Peter and make a day of it.” 

James looks like he’s about to start crying so Tony quickly pulls the man into a hug. He presses James’ head into his shoulder and soothingly runs his fingers through soft hair. 

“There is no crying in Shuri’s lab, James,” Tony says gruffly. “If you cry I’m gonna cry and it’s not pretty I promise you that.” 

James snorts and wraps his arms around Tony’s waist. The feeling of James’ metal arm through his shirt is amazing as it grips the cloth. 

“I feel like I should be making more progress,” James huffs, warm breath on Tony’s neck sending a shiver down his spine. 

“Hey now,” Tony says, pulling back so he can look James in the eye. “Progress is not linear. You’re going to have hard days and days that feel impossible. It’s not going to be rainbows and unicorns the whole time.” 

“I know that,” James frowns. “I just hate it.” 

“We’re gonna go see the goats,” Tony says firmly. “And we are going to take tomorrow off and maybe wander around the palace, maybe stay in and relax in the garden. We’ll figure it out.” 

“That sounds like a good idea,” James smiles softly. 

“Of course, it is,” Tony says with a wink. “I thought of it and I’m a certifiable genius.” 

James snorts. “You’re an asshole.” 

“Yeah, but I’m your asshole.” 

“Nah,” James says, linking their fingers together as they walk out of the lab. “I’m perfectly fine with my own asshole. Don't need yours too.”  
* * *  
“I’ve never held a goat before,” Peter says, eyes wide with wonder as he looks up from the baby goat resting on his lap. “Mr. Stark! This is the best thing ever!” 

Tony can’t help but snap a picture of the kid marveling over the Goat. He already has several pictures of James saved. One of James looking a goat in the eyes with a bright smile is now Tony’s screen saver on all his devices. 

“Mr. Stark?” A voice calls politely from the front of the barn. “May I have a moment?” 

Tony shares a look with James before he follows the woman outside. She’s one of the Dora Milaje so Tony knows it’s serious. There is always one of the Dora Milaje nearby but they hardly ever interact with the three of them.

“Mr. Stark, my name is Aya,” the warrior introduces herself cordially. “The king has requested that you return to the palace. The Avengers are nearly back.” 

“Okay,” Tony says with a frown. “What else is there?”  
“They’re bringing Zemo.” 

“I’ll be there soon.” “He also requests that Barnes stay here for the time being,” Aya adds with a nod towards the barn. 

“No,” Tony says quickly, shaking his head. “Not only would that not go well, it would _very_ not go well. I’m not keeping James away. You can tell T’Challa that we’ll be there in thirty minutes.” 

Aya nods once—like his answer was to be expected—and then departs, heading back to the palace. 

Tony feels James step up next to him and turns to assess his partner. James looks calm again and when James finally meets his eyes Tony notes that he seems to have found some sort of balance again. 

“Thank you,” James says, softly squeezing Tony’s elbow. 

“Not only would it be rude to keep you away I know you’d follow anyways,” Tony remarks with a grin. He moves in front of James and places his hands gently on the man’s hips. “It’s one of the things I like about you.” “Yeah?” James breathes, leaning forward. Their almost-kiss is interrupted by a loud squeak at the barn door and Tony glances over to see Peter, red-faced with his hands covering his eyes. 

“I didn’t see anything,” Peter shouts. Tony can’t help but laugh at the sight. 

“It’s okay,” Tony chuckles. “We weren’t even kissing yet.” 

“Oh,” Peter says, lowering his hands sheepishly. “Okay.” 

James snorts and shakes his head before kissing Tony on the forehead and pulling away. That simple kiss has Tony blushing more than any depraved thing he’s done with another person ever has. 

“I like it when you blush,” James notes with a smirk. “’s cute.” 

“I’m not cute,” Tony denies petulantly, though he’s trying—and failing—to fight off a smile. 

“Look pretty cute to me,” James continues with a shrug. The bastard turns and winks at Peter who starts laughing and soon enough they’re all laughing. 

Tony’s not in love with James but watching him laugh carefree, eyes bright, and smile wide, Tony realizes that it would be so easy to fall that extra step. He boxes up the revelation and saves it for later examination. 

“Alright,” Tony says once he catches his breath. “We should probably head back now.” 

***  
The rest of the Avengers are in the same room where Tony and James first talked to T’Challa. Tony enters first with James and Peter right behind him. When he glances back he sees James staring at Steve and Peter looking around in wonder at the room large enough to hold several quinjets. 

“Buc—“ Steve starts but he stops himself with a poorly concealed cough at a glare from Tony. “James, right?” 

“Yeah, Stevie,” James says softly, a smile firmly in place. It looks brittle but Tony doesn’t begrudge him for that after the week he’s had. “It’s great to see you when you’re not breaking into my apartment.” 

“It was for your own safety!” Steve tries to argue but Tony won’t have it. 

“It was stupid,” Tony says firmly. “You have no idea the groveling I had to do after that.” 

“I already apologized.” 

“Boys,” Natasha snaps. Tony hadn’t even noticed her standing by Clint and—Clint! 

Tony grins at his friend, standing awkwardly in the pristine hall of the Wakandan palace. Clint grins back but neither of them dare to speak with the way Natasha is glaring at them. 

“We are glad to have you here,” T’Challa says regally. “Unfortunately, as are our customs, we cannot allow outsiders in as we try the criminal for his crimes against Wakanda.” 

“But that—“ 

“We understand,” Tony interrupts, glaring at Steve. “I only ask that you allow James and Natasha some time with Zemo first.” 

“Why not yourself?” T’Challa asks after a pause. 

“She has the better interrogation skills,” Tony says honestly. “Besides, I need to do an update to B.A.R.F. and I’d rather do it while James is otherwise occupied.” 

“That is… acceptable,” T’Challa agrees. “Miss Romanova, Mr. Barnes, if you could follow me?” 

James squeezes Tony’s shoulder and then follows T’Challa out. Natasha shares a look with him and then follows the two men. 

“Tony,” Clint says with a grin and Tony turns to find himself engulfed in a hug. Tony quickly returns it before stepping back with a smile. 

“I thought you were retired?” 

“I thought you weren’t a dad,” Clint retorts, gesturing to Peter at Tony’s look of confusion. 

“I’m not—“ 

“Mr. Stark isn’t my dad,” Peter argues vehemently. Shaking his head and waving his hands in panic. 

“Ouch, kid,” Tony laughs. “No need to deny it so quickly.” 

Peter glares at Tony momentarily before turning to Steve, Clint and Sam. “I’m Peter Parker.” 

“Otherwise known as Spiderman,” Tony says, shrugging when Peter looks at him in shock. “What? I trust them with both my life and yours.” 

“This kid is Spiderman?” Clint gasps. “Spiderman is a high schooler?” 

“I’m not a kid.” Steve chuckles his _Captain America_ chuckle. “You’re a kid, son.” 

“Don’t call me son,” Peter snaps, shocking everyone. “Sorry, it’s just… don’t call me that, please. Mr. Captain America Rogers Sir.” 

“It’s fine, Peter,” Tony says reassuringly, clapping Peter on the back and leaving his hand there to comfort the teen. “We understand.” 

“Thank you, Mr. Stark, Captain Rogers.” 

“Now,” Tony says loudly. “Why don’t we find out where the lot of you are staying and then I can get to my… Shuri’s… lab and fix the rest of the B.A.R.F. problem I’m having.” 

“The what?” Sam asks in confusion as he follows them out of the room. 

*** 

“Hey Tony?” Steve calls, poking his head into the lab before awkwardly stepping in. It still shocks Tony that a man with Steve’s presence can appear so uncomfortable in his own skin—but then he remembers that he’s been Captain America about as long as Tony’s been Iron Man. “Can we talk?” 

“Sure thing,” Tony says, reaching back with a foot and pulling the stool to him so he can sit. “What’s up?” 

Steve takes a moment to look around the lab, taking in the silver walls and varying designs. Tony looks it over too, trying to see the lab from Steve’s perspective. It’s not Shuri’s main lab—Tony’s not allowed in Shuri’s _main_ lab—but even this is a lot more sophisticated than anything Steve would be used to seeing. 

“Steve?” Tony prompts when the silence stretches too long for him to be comfortable. 

“Sorry, sorry,” Steve apologizes, turning back to Tony. “I just… is there something going on between you and James?” 

“Uh, yeah,” Tony says, only a little hesitant. He’s pretty sure Cap’s not an asshole—at least not a homophobic asshole—but it’s hard to tell sometimes. 

“That’s…good,” Steve says hesitantly, looking like a kid about to get scolded by the principal. 

“Is it?” Tony demands, quickly growing tired of Steve’s hedging. “Cause from where I’m standing you don’t seem very happy?” 

“I am, I am!” Steve says, holding his hands up in a placating gesture. “It’s just… I don’t know how to talk to him but I know how to talk to you so…” 

“You don’t know how to talk to James?” Tony asks with a laugh. Steve nods. “Maybe don’t be as confrontational as you are with me and you should be fine.” 

“He’s just so… different.” 

“Of course, he is,” Tony scoffs. “He was a prisoner of war for seventy years. I’m betting that changes a person.” 

“And I’m different too.” 

“That’s not a bad thing, Cap,” Tony says with a shrug. “If we were all the same people we were seventy years ago I’d be dead and you’d be a Captain lost in the fight.” 

Steve smiles, just a little. “You’d have never been alive.” 

“Same thing,” Tony laughs. “But my point stands. Change is the way of humans, Cap, and we’re all as human as they come. James is still as much of a person as your Bucky was and you should take the time to get to know him.” 

“When did you get to be so smart?” Steve asks with a chuckle.

“Hello?” Tony gestures to himself, scandalized. “Genius? I’ve always been this smart. You just weren’t listening.” 

“Thanks, Tony.” “You’re welcome, Steve,” Tony says, turning back to the B.A.R.F. programming. “And while I have several doctorates, Steve, I’m even less a therapist than Bruce. No more heart to hearts for the next twelve years please.” 

“Alright, Tony,” Steve snorts. He claps Tony once on the shoulder and walks over to the door. “I’ll let you get back to work.”


	14. Zemo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Where is the book?” He demands. 
> 
> “It’s gone,” Zemo says, his voice hoarse and weak. “I destroyed it. I could not allow anyone else the chance to have you.”

James stares at his hands, one a polished vibranium inlaid with golden accents and the other flesh that pulses as he curls his fingers into a fist and sighs. His skin is damp with sweat and he can still hear the echoes of screams in his ears. It doesn’t look like he’s going to be able to sleep again tonight.

“Guess I’ll get some exercise,” James mutters into the still air of the room.

He changes into a pair of workout pants and slips on his shoes before starting on a quick jog around the palace grounds. He passes some guards on his way and waves to them. Running like this has become a nightly routine for him.

When he finishes the run, James works on some arm stretches that Tony and Shuri had recommended with the help of a Wakandan doctor. By the time he finishes the routine and moves on, the sun is rising and Tony has joined him in the courtyard, working through his own morning exercises.

“You know,” James starts with a teasing lilt, “you never struck me as the kind of person to keep a workout routine.”

Tony looks over at him with his own teasing smile that settles warmly in James’ chest.

“Gotta keep fit to stay as handsome as I am,” Tony says with a laugh. “Plus, moving around in a flying suit and fighting the world’s most dangerous villains is enough to keep anyone in shape.”

“Must be,” James says, looking Tony over before his words really catch up with him. He looks away after a moment. “I—“

“It’s okay,” Tony says with a gentle smile, wiping his forehead with a towel. “It’s hard to get back into things, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” James sighs, sitting on the ground to start on static stretches.

“It was like that for me, too,” Tony tells him, joining James in his stretching. “Though I’m sure it’s not to the same degree. From experience, I can tell you that it’s going to be fucking debilitating at times. Healing isn’t a linear process and you’re going to have good times and bad times and times where you wanna give up and throw in the towel.” James is struck by the understanding in Tony’s eyes when the man looks over at him. “You’re not alone though. If you ever need anything I’m here for you and so is everyone else on the team, all you gotta do is ask.”

“Thanks,” James says a few minutes after they’ve lapsed into silence. “I—sometimes I feel like I’m going to wake up and everything will have been a dream.”

“What would you do if it was?”

“Whaddya mean?”

“If you woke up and this was all a dream? What would you do?” Tony asks, reaching out to thread his fingers through James’. “Would you fight? Would you escape hydra so that next time it wouldn’t be a dream?”

“Yes,” James responds with no hesitation.

Tony smiles, squeezing James’ hand. “Then it doesn’t matter if this is a dream.”

“I guess,” James concedes.

***

“James.”

He’s positive he would recognize that voice anywhere. He’d recognized it even when he’d been completely under HYDRA’s control.

“Steve,” James says, turning to face the super soldier. He’d been expecting something like this. He doesn’t want to call it a confrontation but his the hair on the back of his neck still rise and goosebumps cover his flesh in anticipation of what could possibly come to pass.

“I—God—I’m sorry James,” Steve says in a rush. It is nothing that James expects and that throws him off. He thinks, maybe, he understood the man in front of him at some point but now, Steve is an enigma.

“Why?”

This question makes Steve hesitate. James likes that he doesn’t answer immediately and instead thinks it over.

“Guilt, I think,” Steve explains, crossing and then uncrossing his arms like he’s trying to break a bad habit. “For not doing more to save you in the past and for not being there for you before now.” James tries to speak but Steve keeps going. “And I don’t want to burden you with it because this guilt is a _me_ thing that I need to work through but it felt prudent that I say something about it… I guess.”

“Okay,” James says because he’s not sure what else he can say. His hand twitches and he sees Steve notice it but thankfully the blonde says nothing. “I’m not entirely sure… look, I don’t know you Steve. I know I used to. I have memories of this stick of a blonde and they’re important and I… I cherish them but… I’m not that guy anymore. I’m not Bucky and I never will be again.”

“I know,” Steve says with a small smile. “But you are James and I think, if it’s okay with you, I’d like to get to know this you better.”

“…Okay.”

*** James peaks into the lab with a frown before he sees the man he’s looking for. Tony is sitting on one of the tables talking to Peter and Shuri animatedly, his hands moving a mile a minute while his words come faster. James has no idea what the man is saying but the two teens seem to follow along perfectly.

“James!” Tony says when he looks over at James. “I was wondering when you’d make it here!”

“Did we have an appointment?” James wonders, mystified. He’s pretty sure they completed his therapy or whatever it is they’re calling it this morning.

“Nope!” Tony cheers, jumping off the table and sauntering over to grab James’ hand. “But Shuri and Peter and I were talking about TADASHI and we think we might have some more applications for the bracelet if you’re up for it?”

Tony leans into James’ side and James can’t help but wrap an arm around him. It feels nice—safe— to be like this.

“Sure,” James agrees easily. “As long as this doesn’t chance Dashi.”

“It won’t,” Tony is quick to assure. “It’s like how giving you a new arm didn’t change who you were as a person. You were James with the abomination of an arm and you’re still James with that marvelous beauty attached to you.”

“I—Thanks?”

“You’re welcome,” Tony grins, squeezing the hand he’s still holding on to. “The updates shouldn’t take too long if you want to stay down here with us?”

“Sure.”

“Sweet!” Peter cheers, pumping a fist in his excitement. Not even looking embarrassed by it. “So right now TADASHI is an AI in your bracelet that can help you with like the mental stuff and technical stuff. What we want to do, and can with a generous donation of Vibranium from Shuri, is add a physical component that can help you like… heal wounds and maybe other things we haven’t had the chance to really test but I’m sure it’ll be really cool!”

“Okay,” James says bemusedly. He pulls off the bracelet and hands it to Peter who immediately runs over the Shuri. James looks down at Tony when the inventor doesn’t move.

“They’ve got this,” Tony says with a grin as he watches the teens. “It was Peter’s idea anyways and if he wants help he’ll ask for it. The kid is technically my intern anyways, might as well make him work.”

“You’re good with him,” James notes with a soft smile. “Good for him too, I can see it.”

“He’s good for me,” Tony agrees, his words punctuated by a yawn. “Though, he probably needs to get home soon. He may be a genius but missing so much school is not good for anyone his age.”

James leans against Tony’s side, taking comfort in the presence of the man. He never thought that touch would be so grounding but it helps hold his erroneously dark thoughts at bay and right now that’s more than James can ask for. More than he deserves.

He doesn’t deserve the kind words and the consideration and the friendship of the people that surround him. He doesn’t deserve Tony or Peter or Shuri. He—

“James,” Tony’s voice registers and James comes to, realizing he’s sitting on the floor of the lab with Tony kneeling in front of him, no longer touching the man but his concern visible all the same. “Hey, you with me now? That was quite the attack there.”

“I—“ James coughs, his throat feels dry and scratchy and his eyes are stinging though there are no tears on his cheeks.

Tony hands him a water bottle and James accepts it shakily, barely able to twist the cap off but grateful that Tony hadn’t done it for him. He quickly downs the entire bottle, coughing a little when he lowers it.

He feels exhausted.

“You wanna go to your room and spend some time with Pisică and Alpine?” Tony asks after James slumps forward, leaning his head against Tony’s shoulder. “Or read a book. We could see the goats, too?”

“Cats,” Is all James can say before Tony is helping him stand on shaky legs.

James has taken down politicians and other assassins without blinking, and yet a single panic attack has him weak kneed and wobbling like a newborn calf.

Pathetic.

“Stop it,” Tony orders. James blinks blearily at the man. “Whatever you’re thinking. Stop. You’re allowed to have moments like this, James. God knows it took me years to learn that though. But… having panic attacks and doubting yourself isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that you’ve been put through the wringer and you’re working to come out the other side stronger.”

Tony sighs and it sounds so heavy to James that he wants to comfort the man even though he still feels weak himself.

“I know having TADASHI has helped you,” Tony continues before James can say anything. “But when we get the rest of your situation figured out would you be overly opposed to talking to a real person… a doctor who can help you figure shit out in a way that I can’t?”

James takes a moment to consider those words. His automatic response is to say no. To panic and run but he… he can’t do that. He’s been running for so long and he’s finally found the place… the person he feels safest with.

“I’ll think about it,” James allows.

“That’s all I can ask for.”

***

The first conversation—interrogation—with Zemo gets them nowhere. The doctor refuses to speak with anyone but James and James isn’t sure he’s ready for that kind of pressure. He watches from the other side of the two-way window as Natasha tries to get Zemo to speak.

“You do not have to go in there,” T’Challa reminds him gently. This is the third attempt to get anything from Zemo and James knows that the King is agitated, though he hides it well. “However, if you are up to it I think it would help immensely.”

“Okay,” James agrees with a deep breath.  
He doesn’t think about it as he walks to the door. He steps into the hallway and allows himself a moment to gather his thoughts. To hide behind the persona he had erected after escaping from HYDRA. He’s no longer James when he opens the door.

“Black Widow,” The Winter Soldier greets with a nod, voice cold and blistering. Natasha nods and immediately vacates the room.

“Finally,” Zemo says gleefully. The Winter Soldier ignores him.

Neither of them speak. The Winter Soldier is willing to wait the doctor out. He’s patient. He’s been alive for over seventy years. He’s been torn apart and put together, tortured in ways that no other human can comprehend without breaking.

And The Winter Soldier is a broken man. He hides behind a façade but there are cracks. There are weaknesses to be exploited and ways to break him further.

Zemo starts to speak but The Winter Soldier is on him in a moment, digging metal fingers into soft skin. The doctor can’t breathe anymore and The Winter Soldier is okay with it.

“That won’t work,” he hisses, watching how Zemo’s lips turn blue, contrasting the red pallor of his skin. “You cannot control me.”

After a final tightening of his hand, The Winter Soldier lets go. Zemo coughs, pulling himself back together. The Winter Soldier allows it.

“Where is the book?” He demands. The Winter Solider knows. He knows how they controlled him. He knows what Zemo wants. He won’t allow it to happen again.

Never mind that Tony has been working the triggers out of his brain. Never mind that he can no longer be controlled that way.

“It’s gone,” Zemo says, his voice hoarse and weak. “I destroyed it. I could not allow anyone else the chance to have you.”

He doesn’t believe the words.

“You’re lying.”

“I swear it.”

“Where’s the book,” The Winter Soldier repeats. This time he steps closer. “If you won’t tell me that, then tell me what you were planning.”

And Zemo does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW! This took a lot longer than I thought it would and I apologize. 
> 
> Grad school happened. Then power outages and birthdays and life in general. 
> 
> I'm not entirely happy with this chapter but it's _done_.

**Author's Note:**

> You can follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/canadduh) now!


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